* First I just want to apologize and say maybe some discretion should be used before reading this if you are younger*
I'm a 24 year old female.
I was in a physical relationship with a guy who was not a Christian about a year ago for three months. I was despairing because I felt like I was plus, was doubting God and whether I believed in Him or not(maybe trying to justify what I wanted to do by thinking that way). Anyway Ive since been in regular communication with my FOC and taking communion , and trying to pray.
However I am still really struggling with lust. I find myself resorting to masturbation/pornography to deal with my sex drive. I often find myself getting extremely lonely and end up on dating apps and sexting/snapchatting with strangers, which makes me feel good in the moment but horrible about myself afterwards for sinking so low, After I do stuff like that I feel so ashamed that I can't even pray or read the bible and it kind of turns into a cycle where I have to keep doing stuff like that to feel temporarily good.
Part of my problem is that I think I don't feel bad about liking sex and having a physical drive. Maybe that is why it is so hard for me. I still kind of want to engage in the behavior without actually physically doing it.
I just honestly don't know how to cope since I've sinned in this way before, to wait for a married relationship, without even resorting to masturbation. With the career path that I'm in (medical school) it may be a good 4-5 years + until I get married. And I'm really struggling. I just want to know how to drive these desires in a healthy way and maybe ways to hold myself accountable. I have asked my FOC about this before but I'd like to get more input.
please remember me in your prayers.