Hi all. I want to preface this by saying that I'm sorry if I sound like I'm full of self pity or just complaining. The purpose of this is not that at all and I hope to not sound like that. Last thing I want to do is sound annoying.
Anyway, I'm a young male who has been struggling as of late. I've really been struggling in school (my career graduate school) and I keep thinking to myself am I really in the right place. I want to think that God put me here for a purpose but it has gotten to the point where I feel like I really don't have a purpose here and that I'm making a mistake by pursuing this career path. I really love what I'm doing. That is not the problem, but rather the fact that I continually mess up and am not good at what I do. What if God did put me here and I made this career choice on my own based on free will and it was the wrong choice?
On top of that, things have not been going well in my personal life. I feel that I am alone all the time and that I have superficial friends where I have fun with, but at the same time I feel that I have no one to go to. It is okay most of the time, but sometimes, like now, I feel like everything is imploding and that I really have no one to go to. It feels that I'm almost unnecessary. I know that is not true, but it's hard to mask these feelings.
I try hard to follow Christ, but I am still a sinner. I've made some pretty big mistakes in my life that I cannot go back on and I feel like this may be God punishing me. I really don't know. It seems like really nothing in my life is going right and I have nothing to look forward to ever. I don't know if this changes or if it'll pass but nothing I can do about it. I'm struggling to find peace with Christ. I want to. I really do, but I feel like I've gone too far and there's no going back. I know the Sunday school lesson and sermons, but I rationalize in my mind that I am actually the one case too far and there is no going back.
It is difficult seeing people, my friends and classmates, live their life with no issues at all. The perform well, they have great relationships, no monetary issues, no issues whatsoever. I just don't know how to deal with this stress and everything. I hate to sound self pityful and again I truly apologize. I really wanted to get this off my chest, and pray that I figure my life out soon. Pray for me and I will of course pray for all of you. Thank you.