In a state of confusion

Hi Guys,

Some of you may remember me, some of you may not. I posted on these forums before as I was struggling with personal issues, mainly social issues and having friends. I posted that I was improving and things were getting better. I spoke wrongly, I spoke out of pure ignorance. I was improving, superficially, I was treating symptoms, I was brushing the deep seeded problems in my life under the rug and focusing on creating an outward 'act' or 'appearance' in a futile attempt to mold how others see me. My vanity was colossal, and the only way I sought to fight that vanity was to mask it with a pride inflated to larger proportions than it. I've unknowingly committed the great sin which was the basis of my many falls. All it took was a slow and steady build up of hidden problems, and just one very traumatic experience to cause my 'fake' reality to shatter to the point where I questioned every shred of existence.

I am asking for your help with issues about my current life. I was once fallen and was once distanced from the church but now I wish to return and I wish to be accepted again as a member in Christ. I'm beginning to understand what Christianity is all about and what life really is about. I'm attracted to it. I want to pursue my relationship with God. I ask of you, what can I do to move forward from here? I'm reading a lot about Christianity, but I'm not really reading the Bible. I find myself praying a lot of the time, but I'm not really saying things from the Agpeya that often. Can you people give me advice on where to move forward from here? 

I have an important note to make: I was going to post the history of how I got to where I am today to be asking you the question I just asked above, but I realized that posting it on these forums would be somewhat of a social suicide. I love you all, you are very kind people as I've witnessed in your posts during my occasional lurks.  However, these topics are very sensitive and if there are people on the forums who know me, I wouldn't want them to know this. Sometimes, I think, it's best that friends don't know the grimy intimate details of a personal life. That's why I won't post my story here. However, I would still like to share my story as it will indeed help you see where I am coming from. I warn you now, it is really tough to read. It involves explicit themes (not overtly) and it has trigger words for those who are susceptible to emotional triggers. I urge you to please think twice before deciding to read my story. 

Lettuce Pray! 


  • I am a convert to orthodoxy. I have done things which would horrify most religious people. We all make mistakes. My recommendation would be to find a priest you know is holy and can be your spiritual director and talk to him about you bothers.

    In Christ

  • edited February 2016

    Feel free to message me. Just like Sirlanky, I am a convert as well. I am also not without my issues, and God knows I still have many I deal with daily. 

    I'd like to help you out the best I can and I would prefer a private setting so I don't give you broad and general responses. But, I do believe I am person who can help and I doubt even the worse of your problems would be something I could not handle. 

    God Bless
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