Hey I'm a 20 year from Ethiopia who has been going through a lot the last 6 months, my mother is very sick and my family believe and I have seen too that the devil has possessed her and she is not a very strong Christian still having a place for traditional spirituals in her life therefore she can't stay in a monastery that long... And I have suffered her deeds cuz I'm stressing and currently diagnosed with severe depression disorder last week and I was told to take anti depressants but in two days I stopped cuz it kept me tired and fatigued all day so I couldn't function in class . So I decided to treat my self without meds and the doctor said for the mean time I won't take it , but he hasn't ruled out the medicine option
I was staying at the church at the summer time because I was having anxiety and couldn't sleep as well as just fainting physically and I got better until I started school in September where seeing my ex boyfriend with another woman kept stressing me.
At the end of the summer I thought we were progressing and had hope especially because we became intimate once (though in early summer I decided not to have physical intimacy before marriage ) but he did it with another woman who from what he told me is a good Christian woman who didn't know any man before him and who is loyal and wouldn't leave him but he kept telling me he loved me and didn't know how he got in to the relationship he is in now.
He is the first man I know and loved. I had an abortion with him that made me feel very guilty and not on track for a year now( the same time I had it) and now all this disturbing and I don't know what to do...
Whenever I think of the other woman I get anxiety and feel like sobbing . I also feel worthless and unwanted cuz all my friends after my break up have gone in their own ways.
I can't separate myself from them because we all take the same classes and the new woman is also in our campus.
I did tell them what I felt and we killed the bad vibe. And my ex agreed to help me get my health back and that he wont be seen with her in public for me. And he also told me that he is not serious with her but that she is good unlike me , he thinks I'm self centric for my dreams just because I wouldn't be a 100% sure about what I will work after graduation and all . I told him I want to do my post grad and he is like it is your dream not a family's dream.
So I was a radical feminist in his eyes just because I wanted to pursue my goals that actually were compromised to being in the same city with his and goals that won't have to much time to give from goals of mine before him to travel abroad and develop myself.
I felt like I was reborn in the summer of 2015 because I started to know more about my orthodox religion in depth and learnt the prayers cuz I was in the church for 2 months and prayed I get him back and I don't if I still I have to be strong to get him back or is it irreversible .. I feel like I'm sinning cuz he is in another relation ( though he says it is not serious like with me) and I don't have the energy to see another men and I always wanted to know only one man in my life ... So what can I do? An advice is helpful cuz I dnt have a guider in my life ( except God but at times we don't listen so I pray he will talk to me through you guys ,amen)