This is So Minute, So Lonely, So Blue, so Upset; Simply Unable to Hold On anymore!
Well, I have an update on that name. I can't go on bearing that name on my shoulders anymore.
Here is why:
So minute: We're all human beings, we are all possessing a life, and our lives are worth it. Not one person is greater than the others and what one has, another lacks, and what one lacks another has. There is no reason to compare myself to others, because I am awesome in certain things yet I lack in many other things, which others don't, yet they lack in the aspects I do not lack. Thus, really, comparison of these two arbitrary minds is totally meaningless. I'm not so minute, I'm so unique.
So lonely: Over the past six months I have toiled hard, with the help of God, and put in an effort as much as I did for school into developing a social life. As of now, I am in at least three small social circles and have amazing friends whom I love very dearly. I can now speak with girls and I have a handful of friends who are indeed women. I am actively tackling my prominent issue of being too shy, not confident on myself, low self-esteem. Essentially I'm still trying real hard, but what I was crying about back in my depression, in March 2013, is now over and what I needed I now have. I am not so lonely anymore, I'm so loved.
So blue: Blue is often associated with sadness, low mood, or depression. Well, I do like several shades of blue but what's associated with bliss, relaxation, and calm is the colour grey. I will be writing a book about this wonderful shade, which I hold deeply as a favourite colour not because of my desire or what my mind tells me I like, but rationally because of what 'grey' represents in my life, and it's so much. I'm not so blue anymore, I'm so grey.
So upset: What do I have to be upset about? I can talk to girls, I have friends, I have grades approaching 100% average, I am successful, I have been doing what I've always wanted to be doing in my life for three and a half months; pure research in my field of interest. It's beautiful, my life is beautiful. Grey is beautiful, I enjoy God's creation, the stars, the trees, the plants, the weather, our beautiful star; Sol! What do I have to complain? Do I need a girlfriend? A girlfriend will only bring what I am enjoying already down, she'll hurt my grades, my social life and my success because I will love her so much, and I will become dedicated and committed to her because that's who I am. I am a loving, kind, gentle, warm-hearted person. I don't want to hurt that, and I want to save who I am for someone who I'll share myself with, someone who really deserves a person like that. I want to keep myself like that. Getting a girlfriend will hurt that, as it won't last as I really want to keep myself successful. I want to give a girl a fine, young, handsome, successful, passionate man that will love her and she will love. So, I'm not upset. I have everything I've always wanted. There are people that are so much less fortunate than I am. All I have to do is be grateful and thankful to God for giving me these things. I'm not so upset, I'm so happy.
Simply Unable to Hold On anymore: I have one thing to say to this, I'm alive. I am alive, I've held on and the Lord has guided me through to this point here. I am so happy, I cannot express my joy. It's a happiness that has so far lasted for several weeks and I cannot complain. Held on, and it was worth it, that's who I am.
That's my name change, and that's my update, everyone. I love you all and I am so thankful I didn't hurt myself and for all the people here that helped me. You guys are stars.
So Unique, So Loved, So Gray, So Happy; Held on, It was Worth It!