It has been a whole month now that I feel totally separated from God. I just didn't post here because I thought I could solve it myself, but I am honestly so confused right now. It seems that although I read from Scripture and I force myself to pray, nothing happens.
I feel alone spiritually. I have very close friends that I enjoy very much but my goal this summer is to help myself understand the sufficiency of only having God. I want it to be so that I don't feel lonely because I know God is with me, but I am just not getting anywhere near this. As a matter of fact, ever since I started praying more and reading the Scriptures more the more I have been "pulled" away from God as it seems. I don't notice the things He does for me everyday and I just don't feel like He is around.
At one point yesterday I was so upset at Him that when I was praying I began to notice that instead of thanking Him I was in a way provoking Him to do something just so that I can know He is there and nothing happened. I understand it is wrong to test the Lord, but this is just ridiculous, I want there to be something for me to see in God that would make me love him instead of going to church and spending countless hours in order to realize that i am not feeling any closer to God.
I get very upset and depressed with myself when I see other people so happy and they always have a hint of rejoicing in their mood and facial expressions because God is sufficient for them, but I don't feel this sufficiency and I most certainly don't feel God with me in everyday life.
Even though I read Scripture, most of the time it isn't willingly, I have to force myself to do it, and I have been doing so on a consistent basis almost everyday, but still I haven't gotten anything to keep me yearning for more of God.
I am not at the point where I feel like quitting or anything, but rather I am just really confused and frustrated and a little angry that God is just leaving me hanging like this. I feel like if God was loving enough to create me, why am I not feeling His presence?
If anybody could point me in the right direction or possibly share their own conflict and resolution with this issue I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks guys.