What if I cant fight it? What if I just submit into my desires and listen to the devil pushing me to do wrong? What if it has been a habit that is increasingly difficult to overcome?
I have been struggling for a very long time. I can neither push myself to confess it, nor push myself to overcome it. Now, I feel like a part of God that has been broken off.
What if, my faith used to be like steel (strong) before, but now I am losing faith in God by the day? What if I lose hope in myself and in God.
I used to love God whole-heartedly...with everything that I am. I had this desire to serve him and to become his all of the time. Then I became lukewarm, now I am plainly an evildoer. I had loved God with all of my heart and always felt the holy spirit in me. I felt the love of God work in my life and he plans everything in my life - even until now.
However... I cannot get rid of the LOVE of SIN I have that still lingers inside of me. No matter how sharp I am with myself, I still fall. I still love sin. How can I get rid of this? How can I ask for God's help with out thinking that God wont help me because I have sinned a lot against him? A little faith wouldn't hurt.
How can I return to God and become the pure child of his I once was? I am tired. I am tired of being fake. I am tired of trying to reach up to God's standards without feelings.
Now its lent time, I am tempted more than ever in my whole entire life combined (mind you, I am a teenager). I want to fight this sin. I want to get rid of it NOW.
I feel like I can crawl in a hole.