I know we have already gone over the concept of serving. Does my life really have a purpose? I have often wondered why I had problems serving people. Now I think I finally may have got it or I know what to do. However I have not got enough support from other people to know if it is God's will for me. I plan on dying doing none of my ambitions. I gave up by being discouraged from my attempts to serve God. Plus I feel it will lead to some negative results in peoples life.
One of the ways I plan on serving God is making my own website. However I know it will be tough.
I often had plans to serve God and wrote them on paper and I never did nothing. Such as being great at chess so I can make my own chess club is just 1 of my small plans. I know this is silly but I have thought of being a body builder for whatever reason and I have thought just recently of being a famous soccer player but my dad tells me you have to have realistic goals. Now I know he is right and now is too late to be a soccer player and I am crap at it. Anyway to serve God, is to serve the needs of people. I planned on making posters such as "Enter by the narrow gate of orthodoxy" but my inside I had voices making me feel it would be a sin to force my views on others. Now these are not my main plans, I just forget them now. I went to servants prep to be a servant several times but never graduated and I felt it was not for me to be a teacher anyway. I had plans on being a monk so I can feel the presence of God much closer but I found I had got sick through fasting improperly and I had gotten crazy by wanting to sing songs in public and people interfering me always reading the bible. I felt I could never read the bible publicly. Even at home my parents would come in my room when I am reading. I had plans to knock on peoples door and preach the gospel but I found it to be a wrong approach and I found I was turning even more away from God. I had plans on feeding the poor, visiting all the sick in hospital but I felt even the sick do not want to be visited sometimes and it is inappropriate plus I knew I felt uncomfortable meeting the sick because I did not know how to talk to them and would want to leave since I feel I could be bringing even more souls to God or being more productive somewhere else. I never knew how to get saved or how to save other people. How could it be that this world would become a world of people who do not seek after God and do not want to know the truth? surely I still believed in the good of people and gave them excuses. I thought their must be another way to reach them. I tried other things like going on chat rooms and I don't know what else I tried. I tried to pray more, so I wanted to memorise the bible but struggled to even memorise 1 book, the books of ecclesiastes. When I looked at the things pope shenouda iii did I thought surely I am not serving people and have accomplished nothing, the wretch that I am. I wanted to control the world but I knew it would be impossible.
I really believe now that this life is for the next, where we will have all eternity to fulfill our ambitions. There is just not enough time on this earth.
About Jesus Christ who says He came to serve and not to be served, to give his life a ransom for many. So did Jesus Christ serve all of humanity so our good works are not neccessary to go to heaven? Did He really die that whosoever only believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life? even though He says not everyone who says to me Lord Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven? Can we have that security that we can never be lost if we die just in the faith no matter how much we go astray for whatever reason? My only hope is that God will accept Jesus's ransom for myself who can not do righteousness. What I mean is that He accepts me if I am doing my best with what I know 100% I should be doing even though I sin sometimes when I know I should not. I dread the day when God will seperate the sheep from the goat and I find that I have missed something.
What is it that I need to be doing that noone told me and will I be judged for thinking it unimportant and not doing it? I do not want to live this life anymore with no security of my salvation
If I must Strive to enter through the narrow gate then LORD show me the Way
I don't have any great goal and I have accomplished nothing great in my life. Though I know I can accomplish great things if I am lucky and I work hard and if there is motivation for it, I say to myself it is not necessary and it will not really bring fruit to God and help the world that much anyway even though I imagine it could since ive tried other things which God was not willing for it to work out and there may be obstacles, not because of the devil but because my ideas are outlandish or not God's will
Does God want me to trouble myself all day long to find out what I should be doing even though my plans never get anywhere, frustrate me and others around me. Make me not able to do other important things or live my life?
Comments
what if I was sick. What is my hope then?
Sorry for my blabbering. It may be hard to understand but it addresses several things. It is my raw thinking processes
I can not spend a day editing what I said or I might end up posting nothing and doing something else
Do you like being around kids? Why don't you volunteer to babysit them while the parents are in the Servant's Meetings. A few years ago (when I went to a bigger church), the adults used to attend these meetings every Sunday while the kids did some pretty wild things. Since I also had to wait for the meetings to finish, cause my mom attended, I took up the responsibility to occupy the kids, so they don't interrupt their parents or cause commotion in church. It was a little difficult keeping them all contained in a single room, but as the weeks passed, they got used to being in there and the parents sure did appreciate it A LOT.
You could also help clean the church every weekend (I refer you to 'the greatest hits of ilsm'), and I'm pretty sure the Tunts can use an extra hand :)
Have you considered asking Abouna to take you with him to give communion after the Liturgy to the sick in the hospital? Or to pick you up when he makes visits to peoples' houses or prays in smaller community churches?
Another, more popular, service a lot of youth are involved in is volunteering at the hospital/clinic during their time off, or visiting Homeless Shelters and cleaning for them, or an orphanage and playing with the kids, or a nursing home and talking with the elderly.
There's about a billion things you can do, but I suggest reading 1 Corinthians 13 and Matthew 6: 1-4 before starting anything. :)
I just want to serve people and make them happy which is why I want to make a website. I want to make a unique difference. But I know I must do the small things well. Some acts of service take a lot of time and stop me from my own career but ill see what I can do
Thanks for your reply. I appreciate it
So out of those billion things I can do, why should I do any of them when I can just focus on my career? does the world need me to make a unique difference?
I want to serve in my own way which I feel noone is doing that people may see and glorify our father who is in heaven
God doesn't rest, but we serve Him to please Him because we love Him. We owe him, big time.
So it doesn't matter what you do, just remember why you're doing it.