I would like to bring up a issue about prayer.
I have got some moments that I really long to be with God and to talk to him and to feel him.
Especially when I am hearing some spiritual songs, like this one from the movie of Abouna Yostos: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abe9goxafMA
However, when I finally pray, e.g. in the morning before having breakfast, I feel that I am facing some limitations.
Like this morning. I waked up at 9.45 am, gave my dad a good morning and I told him that I am going to pray. He told me good, meshy, ro7y sally. Now I like it to listen first a spiritual song before praying and sometimes even while I am praying I listen to it. I was praying and 10 minutes later my dad opened the door of my room carefully to see what I was doing. When he saw me praying, he walked away. Then I turned the spiritual song on at my mobile again (I stopped it, because I was worrying that my dad would tell me that I can't concentrate at prayer the same time) and 5 minutes later he did the same thing. My problem is that I CAN NOT concentrate and enjoy prayer when I know someone is watching me and while I know he is waiting for me to finish. I don't like it to hurry in prayer. I felt that my concentration and peace escaped and I finished my prayer and walked to my dad. I asked him why he did that and he told me that he wanted to see if I am finished so that I can having breakfast. A point I have to add: my dad is very worried about my time, because like the most of us do, I am studying. And I am in the first year of college (applied psychology) which is asking very much time to study because it's intensive, (and I am not used to finish everything quickly and my dad knows that I am not efficient with time and he finds that I am doing everything slowly.)
Then I tried him to explain that I can't stand it what he did, and he find that I was talking with a loud voice and get upset. I didn't pass to explain him and I get angry because I didn't get a oppurtunity to tell it (and I must admit that sometimes t I am loosing my temper fastly and probably I don't notice how I talk).
I lost my peace of prayer and I find this really a pity!!
Nowadays, everyone is in a rush (studying fast fast, working fast fast, everthing must be done fast). Sometimes I just wish I could go to a convenant of the monastry of Fr. Yostos, to pray there in rest, peace and silene. I just want to spend enough time with God, but unfortunately there are always things that stop me or don't make me able to do it properly. What a shame that there is no monastery in the country where I life. We have got a church, but I won't be able (and not even allowed) to go there unless there is a liturgy or something. And even then my dad wants me to hurry and I don't have got enough time to enjoy my time with God.
Probably the problem is in myself and not in anyone/anything else. (E.g. I know my dad loves me a lot and wants me to pray and to be very good with God. But despite that I am feeling I am not gettin' better. The most important cause of this, is a lack of time. Or the fact that I am not being efficient/careful enough with time). Could you please give me any advice on how to deal with this? Please, answer the following questions, they are important to me to find a solution.1. [b]How to pray in rest and peace, without being disturbed by anything/anyone and without having to hurry?
Also how to combine study with prayer and that I can be efficient with time so that I don't have to hurry in everything?3. How can I hold my peace even when someone is getting angry at me???? And the most important, how to not getting angry too??
(--> has to do with having a humble heart)
And everyting I told above.
Thanks in advance,