I'm a Coward

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  • Hi Katanikhoros,
                          What I see from what you say is that you don't have direction and I think it is because you can't be yourself. Even though you have a direction you aren't strong in it. I think of Jesus Christ's two commandments; Love God frist then love your neighbour as yourself. If you love God first then you obey him and because you obey him you are loyal to him. He will give you the strength you need. Read his gospel and the psalms. you will get to be yourself.
  • try to convince your parents that medicine is NOT your thing. are you interested in anything else? like english, social science, or any other humanitarian field?

    try to think: if your parents weren't doctors or didn't care what your career was, what would you have become?

    if your parents see that you have a plan besides theirs, then i'm sure they'd consider it.
  • It may seem like you're old to you, but 22 is still so young, my friend. I recommend you go back to the states and study something you actually enjoy. Your parents should understand if you explain it well enough to them, and as should your church mates. Don't worry about how people perceive you, however ""I do not accept praise from men" John 5:41, and if we don't seek praise, then theres really no reason to be living to please people. Please God's mission for you on Earth, which is clearly not to become a doctor. Good luck!!
  • Wow! You went to Egypt. . you should've been absolutely sure that medicine was for you before you made that move.

    Anyhow, you're only 22, man. You have so much time that you shouldn't be worried at all.
  • I know just how you feel, I received similar pressure from the parents.
    BUT I got some wonderful advice from a Department Head at my University that really helped me and she said " Honestly, as long as you love what you're doing, you will be successful and work hard every day because you enjoy what you're doing and that is real success".
    She told me her own story of how she was a "General Education" major but got a high GPA and involved herself in her college and ended up graduating with a great resume after involving herself in school activities, internships etc. That along with her GPA is what got her where she is today. It wouldn't matter if she was a History major or a Spanish major. She got a good GPA because she was enjoying her studies and she did a great deal of work along the way that made her marketable after she graduated. Now she is the head of a department at a University and most importantly, she is happy doing what she enjoys. This is all you have to do to be successful!
    After that I stopped taking people's advice (including my parents) and began doing what I love. YOU HAVE TO SHOW them you are serious. They're your parents, they'll always love you and they want what’s best for you, whatever they say, its not the end of the world if you don’t become a doctor.  They will still love you, their only fear is that you will be poor and unhappy and that is because they are un informed about other career paths.
    Research where you real interests lie and BEGIN TO PERSUE IT BOLDLY!!! Be serious and talk to them saying I really like ___blank___ better and I am going to pursue this. Explain it to them in detail. They may not understand and don’t fight with them.  If they don't support you f then theres always loans- It might be a little bit rocky between you guys but try to be as calm about it as possible and just pray about it and show them love. They’ll see you blossoming once you get into it,  and after you begin to get better grades and graduate in good standing and eventually get a nice job doing something you enjoy, theres nothing they can say.  You’ll pay back your loans and that drama will be history.
    Honestly, they want what is best for you but  sometimes people think the only way to be successful is to be a doctor or a lawyer etc.. but you have the one who proves thats not true!!!
    You have to stand for yourself, start your life, live your life for you and God. God will help you. Lay down your plans in front of your Heavenly Father, share your insides with Him, link your plans with His. When you pray ask God for His Will to be done in your life and whatever you do, ask God to bless it and do His will. He will be your rock through all the ups and downs. Just be consistent and once you decide what you want to do, pursue it boldly. God Bless
  • i hope i help; forgive me for i haven't read every word of all the above messages, but from reading your initial post i would say that you should sit with yourself and see what you truly wish to invest your time and money in and mostly what you wish to invest yourself in, what will YOU excel in? and what has worth to YOU? our parents love us and only wish the best for us but i do believe that they become blinded sometimes they are humans also and make mistakes so ask you FOC on how to deal with them when you wish to tell them that you are not going to pursue medicine (if this is the path you choose; i am by no means telling you it is not right for you only you can discern this) life is difficult indeed and it is a continual struggle of all areas; financial, emotional and mostly spiritual but Christ is with you never feel despair for you will always prevail in the end He will lead you in the best way i'm am positive manyy struggle as you do you are not alone and should not feel horrible as you do because in one way or another we struggle in our own paths and get lost you will find your way because you have the best shepherd have faith that you will end up right where you are suppose to in the end feel the blessing that you realize this conflict at 22 it takes some decades and some never find their way God be with you and He shall guide you to the greenest pastures :)
  • You told them you were becoming a doctor, not that they would get a doctorate degree themselves, so who cares what you decide to do with your life? You can easily go back and tell them you're becoming a monk..etcetc
    Don't think of these years as a waste.. I assure you they weren't. God knows our paths, every little movement, ever breath, even the hairs on our head are numbered. As a Christian you must believe everything happens for a reason; the events in life are molding you to become the man God wants you to be. These 4 years served as a wake-up call, maybe you learned something about yourself, figured out who you are. Maybe God is, through this, trying to make you become independent and not concerned for the views of other people. Take time alone and meditate...pray and trust in a greater God.
  • well in terms of what people will say or think of course i am going to say this doesn't matter, why? well mainly because it is your own right to change what your career path is, i believe no one should affect what you do because your are worried that you have made a fool of yourself and that people will judge you this is no way to lead your life we all make a fool of ourselves at some point or another but the judgement of humans will not condemn you but only that of God and His is the only judgement that you should fear, "The fear of man brings a snare, But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe." Proverbs 29:25 you must not worry about seeming foolish otherwise you could really be harming yourself as i said, what has worth to YOU? not the members of your church and quite frankly neither to your parents, maybe you are right  that you could study more only you know this but in the same respect think of when you do graduate maybe still you will on be putting this little effort into you work, i am sorry that you have such a large serving on your plate but you said you were in north america, if i am not mistaken, you have so much opportunity and you shouldn't feel limited the way you do "expand your horizons" as my professor said today though it may sound corny haha it is true there is so much out there and not just in america but do not break under this kind of pressure because you will lose your peace now and suffer later also we must serve Christ and others but before we can serve others we must first learn to serve Christ and also ourselves, may God guide and be with :)
  • [quote author=katanikhoros link=topic=12294.msg144311#msg144311 date=1315363844]
    Thanks a lot guys for your encouraging words, they do help. My concern is that I'm really not 100% sure of what I see myself doing. Music Production has ALWAYS really interested me, but I can't really choose that for me to make my living, I've also always been interested in Philosophy and even Political Science, but those are career paths that both my parents see as futile and really not-promising.

    Second of all, I don't have much else to say, I do not like medicine on the one hand, but on the other hand I really can't say I am studying, and that definitely is the biggest reason for my marks. At the end of the day, my parents are convincing me (or convinced me, right now they're not talking to me at all), whether we are interested in something or not doesn't matter, it's about how much we study for it. I am being inclined to believe this, because I don't want to throw away 4 years of my life so easily, and I'm not 100% sure of what I want to do, and I don't want to look like a complete jackass in front of everyone that I told I was on my way of becoming a doctor...
    (emphasis mine)

    Hey! I'm a political science major and a phil. minor, lol. Any career path is promising if you do well in it and have something unique to offer.

  • katanikhoros I will give you a few points of my opinion... I usually don't post because I hate all the arguing that goes on on this site and especially with people telling others what to do, who they are and what they are most of the time, entertaining really... I really don't like the posts above me where everyone is telling you, "yep, definitely do what you really like, make the change".. there's more to it of course, even if making the change to another course is the right way.. it takes time to process!

    1. Thank God. Thank God for your parents who love you and really care about you and your future... and pray for those who don't have such family or comfort. Thank God that you are VERY smart to have just made the entry into Medicine. (You now know you can make it as a doctor when you put effort in, although you say you haven't much). Just entry into Med alone, my friend, is an outstanding achievement. Thank God for all the great things He has given you. Thank God that this situation is bringing you closer to Him (probably the best thing that can ever happen to anyone). Thank God.

    2. Similar to your case, there was a person from my church who wanted to do engineering although he was really smart and got all the great results he can get to get into medicine and was accepted to do medicine (which is above difficult, but all things are doable by the Grace of God). AFTER talking to his confession father, he suggested him to do medicine or he will regret it.. and if he wants, he can do engineering after. Of course his confession father KNOWS him, knows what he can handle and cope with and all the rest. So, first thing is, typically - talk to your confession father and see what he recommends. This person is know in their 4th year of Medicine, and I don't think he regrets it, he is bright and enjoying it. But, remember NEVER think you have to do everything he tells you like "Just stick to medicine" but rather listen most importantly to anything he tells you that will help with your decisions such as simply praying about it or just keep studying but put all the past behind and see how you go when you actually do put effort (you will be amazed). I know a person who finished 4 years of pharmacy as he like and is now doing Medicine for the sake of his parents (100%). He applied for Medicine, if he got it, then cool it's God's will, if he didn't get it then again, God's will. It's all in prayer of course. From my knowledge when this guy got into pharmacy at that time it was awesome because it was one of the best careers to have. Come 2011, I know a good bunch of people who can't find jobs in pharmacy and are now working interstate as well as studying ANYTHING just to find a good job or something to make of it all. This year is the year everyone was discouraged to get into pharmacy because of these opportunities. Only discouraged because if someone really loves it, they will still do it! Everyone does as he pleases of course, by the grace of God.. Having your parents is ALWAYS a great thing as long as they don't pull your spiritual life down among other things, obviously by them stating that they won't talk to you isn't very nice but do you know why? It's because they love you! Prayer is so important.. Pray and all will fall into place according to God's plan.. and this NEVER fails.

    3. So what if you lose 4 years. So what? Are you closer to God or at least closer than you were 4 years ago? That alone is a great achievement, even if it took you longer to reach where you are now than anyone else ever. So what? This is you and ALL people are different in their spiritual level. Definitely. I, myself among others have lost a few years here and there in the process of university life. I'm still struggling daily just knowing this, It's hard for me.. but you know what? Who gives... we're better people for it. We've grown spiritually, and even if we haven't you will learn something new about yourself and God of course. You can only be in the will of God if you are praying. And as the saying goes

    4. Who cares what others think, like your friends or those you told are doing Medicine! Who cares?! I personally am doing something odd to the rest of my friends and people at church, and when someone asks me "why are you doing this?" and so on, I tell them the truth. "Because...." and their responses differ. Some people are like "Cool, what you like" or some are just silenced. My friends generally.. I don't think they care.. No one asks anymore. EVERYONE struggles. It makes you the better person to tell the truth in what you are doing and to say it with all confidence. The key to confidence is showing that you are even if you don't feel confident at all. I learnt this, only this year, and boy does it work! To a certain extent it's always going to slightly matter what others think of you, this is true because in reality it makes it true to a certain extent like I said.

    5. I will not begin to express how lucky you are to be in Egypt! Of course God is everywhere. But seriously, you are close to the monasteries and most Coptic churches and Copts around the world and people with so much faith that they believe a miracle will occur when they say "Rabena mawgood". People have so much faith in Egypt, it's so amazing. If someone says "Rabena Mawgood" in any country other than Egypt they just sit and wait and think very little of what they just said. In Egypt, however, miracles DO happen. Oh the faith of people there, beyond amazing! You are close to most of the Coptic saints' relics and blessings! Go to the monasteries especially of a saint you really like (hint: Abi Sefein in Old Cairo :P) and ask for their intercessions like crazy! Best thing man! Just go as much as you can and pray! It works. There was one day this year I asked God for something, I felt so stupid and desperate, I prayed that day the most I ever have in my life in any given day and by the end of it, I was so amazed I felt so stupid. This is really personal.. But I'm more than 100% positive that many others on this site and elsewhere have really felt the presence of God after/during praying. At least you will feel comfort and in the will of God.

    6. You remind me of myself. I have never told my parents my results for the past 5 years of my life including college and my end result for my final year of school - which is MASSIVE, because everyone knew each others. I guess I was unique.. when someone asked me what I got, I told them even my parents don't know - what a shocker for them everyone haha. I think maybe the day I graduate they can know, because they will learn that these years I am here via God's grace as I know, and they should know.

    7. Prayer. This should be in the past 6 points I made. Prayer, prayer, prayer. Half the people on this website wouldn't be here if they themselves prayed most importantly. Want an answer for a spiritual question? Pray first then come here.. always works.

    Honestly, I'm replying coz I think you're smart! Very smart. I trust that you are smart in the way of your thoughts.

    GBU
    Please tell me I was helpful haha.
  • Ah.
    Another point...

    - Your parents are paying for you? So, all our parents are too... I brought up this question too.. Actually, I cried one time as I said the EXACT same thing as you.. By spiritual leaders in the coptic church I was told: So what? Your parents put this money aside for you. If you fail, so what? This will only test your parents if they love money or not... or yourself... etc. Move on... Use all the money you need lol... Your parents know what they are doing and they have a budget and so on... So for that point on for myself I was told NOT to think of money as an issue AT ALL. God will provide.. He has, and always will. We all fail! We all "waste" money. So what?! Who cares.. MOVE ON! This is money we work hard for and use it to live and fail, and work harder etc. It's a cycle. No matter how many times you fall, make sure you pick yourself up again and again, but never sit there and not move on. This is where it becomes dangerous. Money is no issue or excuse.
  • St. Emilios...really? I think that might negate any attention to your posts.
  • this is all good advice.
    also it's better to go through this decision making process now than in 10 years time when you realise you still hate medicine but u have a wife and 5 kids depending on your salary!
    i met lots of people who regretted becoming doctors, most with parents who are doctors.
    but i met lots of people who regretted the other career choices they made.

    the main thing is to pray and take advice from a priest.
    right now u r in college, so don't try to 'get around' the problem by not studying and then fooling yourself that it was not your decision to leave medicine. study even though u hate it (it's all really useful knowledge, u could be the engineer on the work-site who looks after the first aid box!) and at the same time make plans for the next academic year. maybe even get a part-time job if u can so u don't worry about money so much. if u have a nice morning at work, maybe u can study in the evening because u will be more cheerful.

    may God guide u  :)

  • I guess it must be hard to decide because once you start something you do need to complete it even though your disicion to start it may of been for the wrong reason. The discussion with your parents really did have to be what you felt was the what was going to make you happy. However, be brave with no regrets.
  • when you study medicine, you don't necessarily have to be a doctor.

    Think about it practically:

    you said you are 22, if you're prepared to spend more years in education to study another subject that you are interested in, then go ahead.

    If you feel that you just can't take that step and take the risk, you can continue into medicine (you may need private tutoring etc and the road will not be easy) but at the end you will have your qualification.

    using your degree, you can decide to go into academia/be a teacher/lecturer/researcher etc etc..if you research your opportunities, you will find that there are many different routes you can follow that may hardly have any biology at all!

    It must be very difficult that your parents did you harm unintentionally..in fact, they just wanted you to be the best. unfortunately, it wasn't the right thing to do.

    If you choose to quit your course, there is going to be a lot of talking to try and persuade your parents to see life from your point of view and that's not easy but i hope everything turns out for the best. have faith and hope.
  • Unworthy1:

    [quote author=Unworthy1 link=topic=12294.msg144331#msg144331 date=1315414625]
    St. Emilios...really? I think that might negate any attention to your posts.

    Look here man... Do you see me complaining about how others (such as yourself) look here, write, post, what their profile looks like?! Do you honestly really care what my profile looks like?! What if I had the picture of the devil as my profile pic? What's this gonna do? NOTHING. I could have it up there for a personal reason for all you know... I can have a picture of a devil just to let myself remember not to post here because the devil might attack me when I'm on this site... There's nothing wrong with it, because we all believe in satan's existence, like God's existence, like Emilio Estevez's existence and so on...

    I'm pretty sure if this picture of Emilio Estevez was really wrong the admins would not have allowed it since it's from this site... If not, then the Administrators are either dodgy (I hope not, because they make effort to keep this site together, I hope) or they have explaining to do, like the fact that avatars of musicians and actors just come with this site.. Even then, So what?

    I just made a joke.. and I wrote "psych" at the end of it just to show this... don't like it? Don't read it.. ignore it.. why do you care stranger? really?

    I don't think you read nice and clearly my first paragraph of my third ever post here...

    I put effort into that post... I really don't see how an avatar, that is provided from this site mind you, can really distract anyone from the words in my post. I don't see it.. Unless you are excessively weak on this site... maybe you have issues.. I don't know.

    Unless my posts are directed to you in the future, don't read it... in fact, every time you scroll up and down this page, make sure you cover the side of your page with your hands or something just so you don't see my avatar lest anything happens to you. Very simple.

    mabsoota
    Beautiful post! I enjoy reading your advice often and I always look forward to it.

    katanikhoros
    How much time do you have to make your complete final decision on dropping out of Med? Or starting a new course? Think about this quickly... A lot of us are in situations where we have to make decisions quickly as well or are totally confused to the point of exhaustion from thinking too much (I myself was in a situation like this too recently). A wise man once said "The more time you have to make decisions and being kinda lost, the more time you have to PRAY".
    And that wise man was Abouna lol.
    Honestly, one of the best advice I've ever heard of... I've seen 2 situations where someone has NO idea what they are going to do in their lives, extreme cases where someone is actually kicked out of college, has no where to go except for maybe work and just feels like they've almost wasted their lives... Which I think is much crazier and worse than your situation. What did they do? They had no choice but to pray almost 24 hours for those few days.. and one of the days when they thought it was way too late because ALL the college applications have already closed and the first few weeks of college has passed God just opened a door of opportunities.. it was amazing really! Just a click of a button checking an email.. they were accepted into another college, amazing course, amazing college standards, amazing job opportunities, better than the previous college, money wise - better, travel time - better. Better, much better.
    Unless you pray yourself into God's hands and will, you will continue to be confused.
    Even if you have one day left before you must make your decision... use that day in prayer.

    Can't stress enough how important prayer is, Never fails! God's love never fails... if He loves you, He won't and can't leave you... it's impossible.. Just make sure you pray, and you'll be super fine.

    GBU ALL
    Please tell me I was helpful....
  • - Many people, as well, take a year off (Defer their course) to work and at the same time really contemplate on what they really want to do. A year is a long time... I personally would never recommend this unless necessary.. but whatever tickles your pickle. This is definitely becoming more popular within the egyptian community where it was unheard of before. We are the generation of opportunities I guess lol.

    GBU all
  • [quote author=Bimbo123 link=topic=12294.msg144345#msg144345 date=1315438143]
    Unworthy1:

    [quote author=Unworthy1 link=topic=12294.msg144331#msg144331 date=1315414625]
    St. Emilios...really? I think that might negate any attention to your posts.

    Look here man... Do you see me complaining about how others (such as yourself) look here, write, post, what their profile looks like?! Do you honestly really care what my profile looks like?! What if I had the picture of the devil as my profile pic? What's this gonna do? NOTHING. I could have it up there for a personal reason for all you know... I can have a picture of a devil just to let myself remember not to post here because the devil might attack me when I'm on this site... There's nothing wrong with it, because we all believe in satan's existence, like God's existence, like Emilio Estevez's existence and so on...

    I'm pretty sure if this picture of Emilio Estevez was really wrong the admins would not have allowed it since it's from this site... If not, then the Administrators are either dodgy (I hope not, because they make effort to keep this site together, I hope) or they have explaining to do, like the fact that avatars of musicians and actors just come with this site.. Even then, So what?

    I just made a joke.. and I wrote "psych" at the end of it just to show this... don't like it? Don't read it.. ignore it.. why do you care stranger? really?

    I don't think you read nice and clearly my first paragraph of my third ever post here...

    I put effort into that post... I really don't see how an avatar, that is provided from this site mind you, can really distract anyone from the words in my post. I don't see it.. Unless you are excessively weak on this site... maybe you have issues.. I don't know.

    Unless my posts are directed to you in the future, don't read it... in fact, every time you scroll up and down this page, make sure you cover the side of your page with your hands or something just so you don't see my avatar lest anything happens to you. Very simple.



    Take a deep breath. . . .now take another. . .actually I think you need a third one so go ahead. Calm yet?

    My beef was not with your picture. I could care less whose picture you put up there. My problem is with your foolish caption - no matter how funny you think it is. Emilio Estevez is not a saint. Don't call him one and put him on the same level with St. Antony, the Righteous Abba Paul, St. Mary, etc. If you want to be funny, go to a comedy club. Don't degrade the saints who have given their lives for Christ by calling some washed-up movie star a saint.


  • DEar katanikhoros,
    My email is [email protected] I work in psychiatry and I think I can add a word or two to what's been said. If however you are content with the answers hehe, then no need for me to add anything. God bless you and pray for us a lot.
    Oujai
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