what to do about it..

Hello brothers and sisters in Christ,
I'm new here, I have been viewing this forum for a while though and I thought I would join. I have an issue that I'm wondering if you guys can help me with:
Its kind of a long story:
There is someone he is very kind and is a serious servant of the church and the Orthodox faith. We cannot see each other because he lives in another state but we talk on the phone pretty often. We also have spoken to each other in person. I met him through a mutual friend (we have several mutual friends) and we've been friends ever since. It started out fine, I didn't think of him in a relationship manner at first but as time went on he grew on me and now this is where the dilemma arises.
We talk, we text etc... and We have a friendship  there are always  "more than friend" moments. Ultimately, we both know there is something going on here that is more than a friendship for so many reasons. He is the one implying things most of the time, but as of late we both have begun to show our feelings to each other. The problem is though that we have NEVER come out and say something openly about this situation, about what we are and where we are going with this. We  have been talking for a few years. Recently though, he is sending mixed messages. I'm not sure if its because he is busy (he just got a new job and has classes and family) or perhaps because its the Great Holy Fast or something else. When we talk, he acts normal and even implies that he misses me. But I feel sometimes like I put in more effort into the relationship. I really like him and I don't like the mixed messages BUT I cannot mention this to him directly because technically it is not a "relationship" and if it is simply a friendship and we have not established a relationship then he has no obligation to communicate regularly even though its implied that he should.
Now I am at the stage where I want to put a label on this relationship or cut it off all together because I feel like a yo-yo being put up and down and not knowing where this is going.
Obviously I like him alot but this situation is distracting me because I don't know what this relationship is, where its going or honestly what he thinks about this whole thing as well except he has feelings for me.
Sometimes I wish I never had this situation because once I care about someone I care ALOT and I want to get him out from my mind and just concentrate on God and this fasting season. Not knowing where I stand in this makes me feel unable to concentrate.
I don't know if I'm in love or not or if we should go forward. I could see it going both ways, he's a wonderful person and lover and servant of the church.
If it helps we are adults. (young adults)

Do you guys have ideas or experience with this kind of thing or how to deal with it? Am I being unreasonable, any advice would be great.

Thanks for your help



  • I generally fully disagree with relationships that may start over the phone or is based on the phone.

    BUT, i think it depends on your age and how serious you are into getting into this relationship. he also must be serious about it.

  • Sounds like you are a female?
  • LOL ilovesaintmark!


    I vote for your first option: cut him off. It'll hurt for a couple of days but you'll get over it. Don't get into any relationship.

    And I agree with Mina, this really depends on your age, maturity, and advice from FOC and parents.
  • I hate to admit it, but....I agree with TITL, and Minagir (whom I refuse to call minatasgeel).
  • Yeah, that sounds like a mess. I agree with everybody else: End this...whatever it is. It is of no benefit to either of you.

    Focus on growing closer to God and God will provide you with a person that you won't wonder and be confused about, if it is His will.
  • And that's coming from a white person ;)

    Now Agpeya can't say we're giving her FOB answers.
  • Hahaha. What?!  :D
  • Either you can read what I said as:

    1. You're a FOB now
    2. White people think like us
  • What does FOB mean?
  • "Fresh Off (the) Boat" -- It is used to describe recent immigrants who still behave as though they are in their country of origin.
  • FOB = Mina

    (just keeeeding!!)

    Fresh Off the Boat, or as ILSM says it "Fresh Off the Blane". It's a term used to describe people with 100% Egyptian mentality, and zay talk like zis all za time and say no to boys.

    What's stir fries? (from the other thread on fasting)
  • Bean shoots, green leaves, peppers, water chesnuts, mushrooms etc etc all fried lightly in a very little oil, so not to make it crispy, and then served on rice. Usually cooked with soy sauce or something like that. Takes about 5 minutes.

    Do a google for a better idea. I am not a cook! Very tasty.
  • [quote author=Father Peter link=topic=11131.msg134472#msg134472 date=1301423997]
    Bean shoots, green leaves, peppers, water chesnuts, mushrooms etc etc all fried lightly in a very little oil, so not to make it crispy, and then served on rice. Usually cooked with soy sauce or something like that. Takes about 5 minutes.

    Do a google for a better idea. I am not a cook! Very tasty.

    Hello Father Peter,
    I think you accidentally put this on the wrong forum page.

    Can you give me your opinion please Abouna
    God Bless!
  • That would be my fault, hence most of the calamities on this site.

    I apologize.
  • [quote author=TITL link=topic=11131.msg134471#msg134471 date=1301423747]
    FOB = Mina

    (just keeeeding!!)

    noooo...i don't mind. i do consider myself to be a fob....after 10 yrs in the states.

    ilovesaintmark....i thought we passed that period of names...i agreed that you may call me minagir.
  • [quote author=ilovesaintmark link=topic=11131.msg134453#msg134453 date=1301416286]
    Sounds like you are a female?

    yes I'm a woman lol
  • Long distance relationships, rarely, rarely, rarely ever work.
  • [quote author=ilovesaintmark link=topic=11131.msg134492#msg134492 date=1301437041]
    Long distance relationships, rarely, rarely, rarely ever work.

    thank you.
  • I agree. Long distance relationships are generally problematic for a range of reasons.
  • I third that.
  • TITL and mina have hit the nail right on the head. Especially since this is long distance. Relationships like this only lead to heartache ;). No need to put yourself in harms way by your own hand.
  • thanks for your advice everyone, it is well taken but I have already been in this, the question is not do I enter it, it is what is your Christian advice now considering the situation has been going for a while now and should I tell how I feel and establish something and see where it goes from there or just call it quits.
  • In a word:  Quits.
  • Quit it.
  • Dzheremi,

    I used only one word.

    Do you mean for her to quit it or did you mean for me to quit it being so trite.
  • Oh, sorry, ILSM. I meant quit the relationship.
  • Did you mean quit my relationship on Tasbeha.org or that she should quit the relationship with the guy who is at a long distance?
  • With the long-distance guy.
  • Oh, thanks for the clarification.

    Do you think we convinced her?  I don't think so.
  • I have no idea. Sadly, this is one of those things that you often learn best (or only) from experience. I just hope I am wrong about that in her case.
Sign In or Register to comment.