I am literally at my wits end. I feel so lost and useless. I have a job where I work from home, and my income is essentially commission based. Ever since the financial crisis hit in 2008 my job and income has basically been non existent. We were living paycheck to paycheck but now it's even worse than that, there is no money coming in to draw a check, there is no money in the bank, the accounts are over drawn, the phone calls are nonstop. We made it through most of 2009 and 2010 due to the graciousness of my boss and a personal loan. And with the grace of God that was FULLY repaid a few months ago. My wife and I started praising God even louder saying Thank God finally!! We'll be able to save some instead of paying off the loan, we'll finally be able to move ahead with our lives and start to climb out of the hole. And of course as soon as the loan is paid, work gets worse than it was before, and we're back to no checks, phone calls, nothing in the bank, having to scrape together anything to make sure our child and us can eat, etc. etc.
It just feel like God hates me. Why can't he let his light shine through and us come out the other side? I've done so many Nidr to Meri Girgis, to Pope Kyrolos I pray, i beg Him for His mercy and i feel like i'm just sinking further and further... All I want is to take care of my family and i can't, we're so behind on car payments it's only a matter of time before they get taken away, then how will my wife get to her job, we lost our insurance because we couldn't pay it, this is a nightmare and it feels like God doesn't want us to get out of this. I beg Him and I beg Him and we're no where.
I know this is wrong to think, but God forgive me I don't know what else to think. Please pray that God lets us pass through this nightmare soon, i'm so tired of this life. I want better for my wife and baby, but I am just a failure and can't provide for them. I beg you please pray for me.
Peace be with you all.