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its holding back my faith!!!
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plase pray for me
Our Father among the saints, St John Cassian, especially provides us with useful instructions which he learned from the Fathers in the Desert. They describe Accidie as one of the Eight Chief Faults, and laziness is a symptom of this condition. I am going to paste quite a bit of his dealing with this matter. There is a great deal more in his work, The Conferences, which I recommend to all.
In the matter of our spiritual life, and to help build the habits for spiritual and personal growth, we must set ourselves to work. If we will not work then we will not eat. This is a spiritual as well as a practical law.
Try and read this and apply the monastic practice of making baskets to our spiritual life, and to all those activities you are responsible to perform ..
OF THE SPIRIT OF ACCIDIE
CHAPTER 1
How our sixth combat is against the spirit of accidie, and what its character is
OUR sixth combat is with what the Greeks call ajkhdi>a, which we may
term weariness or distress of heart. This is akin to dejection, and is
especially trying to solitaires, and a dangerous and frequent foe to dwellers
in the desert; and especially disturbing to a monk about the sixth hour, like
some fever which seizes him at stated times, bringing the burning heat of
its attacks on the sick man at usual and regular hours. Lastly, there are
some of the elders who declare that this is the “midday demon” spoken of
in the ninetieth Psalm.
CHAPTER 2
A description of accidie, and the way in which it creeps over the heart
of a monk, and the injury it inflicts on the soul
AND when this has taken possession of some unhappy soul, it produces
dislike of the place, disgust with the cell, and disdain and contempt of the
brethren who dwell with him or at a little distance, as if they were careless
or unspiritual. It also makes the man lazy and sluggish about all manner of
work which has to be done within the enclosure of his dormitory. It does
not suffer him to stay in his cell, or to take any pains about reading, and he
often groans because he can do no good while he stays there, and
complains and sighs because he can bear no spiritual fruit so long as he is
joined to that society; and he complains that he is cut off from spiritual
gain, and is of no use in the place, as if he were one who, though he could
govern others and be useful to a great number of people, yet was edifying
none, nor profiting any one by his teaching and doctrine. He cries up all
distant monasteries and those which are a long way off, and describes such
places as more profitable and better suited for salvation; and besides this
he paints the intercourse with the brethren there as sweet and full of
spiritual life. On the other hand, he says that everything about him is
rough, and not only that there is nothing edifying among the brethren who
are stopping there, but also that even food for the body cannot be
procured without great difficulty. Lastly he fancies that he will never be
well while he stays in that place, unless he leaves his cell (in which he is
sure to die if he stops in it any longer) and takes himself off from thence as
quickly as possible. Then the fifth or sixth hour brings him such bodily
weariness and longing for food that he seems to himself worn out and
wearied as if with a long journey, or some very heavy work, or as if he had
put off taking food during a fast of two or three days. Then besides this he
looks about anxiously this way and that, and sighs that none of the
brethren come to see him, and often goes in and out of his cell, and
frequently gazes up at the sun, as if it was too slow in setting, and so a
kind of unreasonable confusion of mind takes possession of him like some
foul darkness, and makes him idle and useless for every spiritual work, so
that he imagines that no cure for so terrible an attack can be found in
anything except visiting some one of the brethren, or in the solace of sleep
alone. Then the disease suggests that he ought to show courteous and
friendly hospitalities to the brethren, and pay visits to the sick, whether
near at hand or far off. He talks too about some dutiful and religious
offices; that those kinsfolk ought to be inquired after, and that he ought to
go and see them oftener; that it would be a real work of piety to go more
frequently to visit that religious woman, devoted to the service of God,
who is deprived of all support of kindred; and that it would be a most
excellent thing to get what is needful for her who is neglected and despised
by her own kinsfolk; and that he ought piously to devote his time to these
things instead of staying uselessly and with no profit in his cell.
CHAPTER 3
Of the different ways in which accidie overcomes a monk
AND so the wretched soul, embarrassed by such contrivances of the
enemy, is disturbed, until, worn out by the spirit of accidie, as by some
strong battering ram, it either learns to sink into slumber, or, driven out
from the confinement of its cell, accustoms itself to seek for consolation
under these attacks in visiting some brother, only to be afterwards
weakened the more by this remedy which it seeks for the present. For
more frequently and more severely will the enemy attack one who, when
the battle is joined, will as he well knows immediately turn his back, and
whom he sees to look for safety neither in victory nor in fighting but in
flight: until little by little he is drawn away from his cell, and begins to
forget the object of his profession, which is nothing but meditation and
contemplation of that divine purity which excels all things, and which can
only be gained by silence and continually remaining in the cell, and by
meditation, and so the soldier of Christ becomes a runaway from His
service, and a deserter, and “entangles himself in secular business,” without
at all pleasing Him to whom he engaged himself.
CHAPTER 4
How accidie hinders the mind from all contemplation of the virtues
ALL the inconveniences of this disease are admirably expressed by David
in a single verse, where he says, “My soul slept from weariness,” that is,
from accidie. Quite rightly does he say, not that his body, but that his soul
slept. For in truth the soul which is wounded by the shaft of this passion
does sleep, as regards all contemplation of the virtues and insight of the
spiritual senses.
CHAPTER 5
How the attack of accidie is twofold
AND so the true Christian athlete who desires to strive lawfully in the lists
of perfection, should hasten to expel this disease also from the recesses of
his soul; and should strive against this most evil spirit of accidie in both
directions, so that he may neither fall stricken through by the shaft of
slumber, nor be driven out from the monastic cloister, even though under
some pious excuse or pretext, and depart as a runaway.
CHAPTER 6
How injurious are the effects of accidie
AND whenever it begins in any degree to overcome any one, it either makes
him stay in his cell idle and lazy, without making any spiritual progress, or
it drives him out from thence and makes him restless and a wanderer, and
indolent in the matter of all kinds of work, and it makes him continually go
round, the cells of the brethren and the monasteries, with an eye to nothing
but this; viz., where or with what excuse he can presently procure some
refreshment. For the mind of an idler cannot think of anything but food
and the belly, until the society of some man or woman, equally cold and
indifferent, is secured, and it loses itself in their affairs and business, and is
thus little by little ensnared by dangerous occupations, so that, just as if it
were bound up in the coils of a serpent, it can never disentangle itself again
and return to the perfection of its former profession.
CHAPTER 7
Testimonies from the Apostle concerning the spirit of acciie
THE blessed Apostle, like a true and spiritual physician, either seeing this
disease, which springs from the spirit of accidie, already creeping in, or
foreseeing, through the revelation of the Holy Spirit, that it would arise
among monks, is quick to anticipate it by the healing medicines of his
directions. For in writing to the Thessalonians, and at first, like a skillful
and excellent physician, applying to the infirmity of his patients the
soothing and gentle remedy of his words, and beginning with charity, and
praising them in that point, that this deadly wound, having been treated
with a milder remedy, might lose its angry fostering and more easily bear
severer treatment, he says: “But concerning brotherly charity ye have no
need that I write to you: for you yourselves are taught of God to love one
another. For this ye do toward all the brethren in the whole of
Macedonia.” He first began with the soothing application of praise, and
made their ears submissive and ready for the remedy of the healing words.
Then he proceeds: “But we ask you, brethren, to abound more.” Thus far
he soothes them with kind and gentle words; for fear lest he should find
them not yet prepared to receive their perfect cure. Why is it that you ask,
O Apostle, that they may abound more in charity, of which you had said
above, “But concerning brotherly charity we have no need to write to
you”? And why is it necessary that you should say to them: “But we ask
you to abound more,” when they did not need to be written to at all on this
matter? especially as you add the reason why they do not need it, saying,
“For you yourselves have been taught of God to love one another.” And
you add a third thing still more important: that not only have they been
taught of God, but also that they fulfill in deed that which they are taught.
“For ye do this,” he says, not to one or two, but “to all the brethren;” and
not to your own citizens and friends only, but “in the whole of
Macedonia.” Tell us then, I pray, why it is that you so particularly begin
with this. Again he proceeds, “But we ask you, brethren, to abound the
more.” And with difficulty at last he breaks out into that at which he was
driving before: “and that ye take pains to be quiet.” He gave the first aim.
Then he adds a second, “and to do your own business;” and a third as well:
“and work with your own hands, as we commanded you;” a fourth: “and
to walk honestly towards those that are without; “a fifth: “and to covet no
man’s goods.” Lo, we can see through that hesitation, which made him
with these preludes put off uttering what his mind was full of: “And that
ye take pains to be quiet;” i.e., that you stop in your cells, and be not
disturbed by rumors, which generally spring from the wishes and gossip of
idle persons, and so yourselves disturb others. And, “to do your own
business,” you should not want to require curiously of the world’s actions,
or, examining the lives of others, want to spend your strength, not on
bettering yourselves and aiming at virtue, but on depreciating your
brethren. “And work with your own hands, as we charged you;” to secure
that which he had warned them above not to do; i.e., that they should not
be restless and anxious about other people’s affairs, nor walk dishonestly
towards those without, nor covet another man’s goods, he now adds and
says, “and work with your own hands, as we charged you.” For he has
clearly shown that leisure the reason why those things were done which he
blamed above. For no one can be restless or anxious about other people’s
affairs, but one who is not satisfied to apply himself to the work of his
own hands. He adds also a fourth evil, which springs also from this leisure,
i.e., that they should not walk dishonestly: when he says: “And that ye
walk honestly towards those without.” He cannot possibly walk honestly,
even among those who are men of this world, who is not content to cling
to the seclusion of his cell and the work of his own hands; but he is sure to
be dishonest, while he seeks his needful food; and to take pains to flatter,
to follow up news and gossip, to seek for opportunities for chattering and
stories by means of which he may gain a footing and obtain an entrance
into the houses of others. “And that you should not covet another man’s
goods.” He is sure to look with envious eyes on another’s gifts and boons,
who does not care to secure sufficient for his daily food by the dutiful and
peaceful labor of his hands. You see what conditions, and how serious and
shameful ones, spring solely from the malady of leisure. Lastly, those very
people, whom in his first Epistle he had treated with the gentle application
of his words, in his second Epistle he endeavors to heal with severer and
sterner remedies, as those who had not profited by more gentle treatment;
and he no longer applies the treatment of gentle words, no mild and kindly
expressions, as these, “But we ask you, brethren,” but “We adjure you,
brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye withdraw from
every brother that walketh disorderly.” There he asks; here he adjures.
There is the kindness of one who is persuading; here the sternness of one
protesting and threatening. “We adjure you, brethren:” because, when we
first asked you, you scorned to listen; now at least obey our threats. And
this adjuration he renders terrible, not by his bare word, but by the
imprecation of the name of our Lord Jesus Christ: for fear lest they might
again scorn it, as merely man’s word, and think that it was not of much
importance. And forthwith, like a well-skilled physician with festering
limbs, to which he could not apply the remedy of a mild treatment, he tries
to cure by an incision with a spiritual knife, saying, “that ye withdraw
yourselves from every brother that walketh disorderly, and not according
to the tradition which ye received of us.” And so he bids them withdraw
from those who will not make time for work, and to cut them off like limbs
tainted with the festering sores of leisure: test the malady of idleness, like
some deadly contagion, might infect even the healthy portion of their
limbs, by the gradual advance of infection. And when he is going to speak
of those who will not work with their own hands and eat their bread in
quietness, from whom he urges them to withdraw, hear with what
reproaches he brands them at starting. First he calls them “disorderly,” and
“not walking according to the tradition.” In other words, he stigmatizes
them as obstinate, since they will not walk according to his appointment;
and “dishonest,” i.e., not keeping to the right and proper times for going
out, and visiting, and talking. For a disorderly person is sure to be subject
to all those faults. “And not according to the tradition which they received
from us.” And in this he stamps them as in some sort rebellious, and
despisers, who scorned to keep the tradition which they had received from
him, and would not follow that which they not only remembered that the
master had taught in word, but which they knew that he had performed in
deed. “For you yourselves know how ye ought to be followers of us.” He
heaps up an immense pile of censure when he asserts that they did not
observe that which was still in their memory, and which not only had they
learned by verbal instruction, but also had received by the incitement of his
example in working.
CHAPTER 8
That he is sure to be restless
who will not be content with the work of his own hands
“BECAUSE we were not restless among you.” When he wants to prove by
the practice of work that he was not restless among them, he fully shows
that those who will not work are always restless, owing to the fault of
idleness. “Nor did we eat any man’s bread for nought.” By each expression
the teacher of the Gentiles advances a step in the rebuke. The preacher of
the gospel says that he has not eaten any man’s bread for nought, as he
knows that the Lord commanded that “they who preach the gospel should
live of the gospel:” again, “The laborer is worthy of his meat.” And so if he
who preached the gospel, performing a work so lofty and spiritual, did not
venture in reliance on the Lord’s command to eat his bread for nought,
what shall we do to whom not merely is there no preaching of the word
intrusted, but no cure of souls except our own committed? with what
confidence shall we dare with idle hands to eat our bread for nought, when
the “chosen vessel,” constrained by his anxiety for the gospel and his work
of preaching, did not venture to eat without laboring with his own hands?
“But in labor,” he says “and weariness, working night and day lest we
should be burdensome to any of you.” Up to this point he amplifies and
adds to his rebuke. For he did not simply say, “We did not eat bread for
nought from any of and then stop short. For it might have been thought
that he was supported by his own private means, and by money which he
had saved, or by other people’s, though not by their collections and gifts.
“But in labor,” he says, “and weariness, working night and day is, being
specially supported by our own labor. And this, he says, we did not of
our own wish, and for our own pleasure, as rest and bodily exercise
suggested, but as our necessities and the want of food compelled us to do,
and that not without great bodily weariness. For not only throughout the
whole day, but also by night, which seems to be granted for bodily rest, I
was continually plying the work of my hands, through anxiety for food.
CHAPTER 9
That not the Apostle only, but those two who were with him labored
with their own hands
AND he testifies that it was not he alone who so lived among them, lest
haply this method might not seem important or general if he depended
only on his example. But he declares that all those who were appointed
with him for the ministry of the gospel, i.e., Silvanus and Timothy, who
wrote this with him, worked in the same fashion. For by saying, “lest we
should be burdensome to any of you, he covers them with great shame.
For if he who preached the gospel and commended it by signs and mighty
works, did not dare to eat bread for nought, lest he should be burdensome
to any, how can those men help thinking that they are burdensome who
take it every day in idleness and at their leisure?
CHAPTER 10
That for this reason the Apostle labored with his own hands, that he
might set us an example of work
“NOT as if we had not power; but that we might give ourselves a pattern to
you to imitate us.” He lays bare the reason why he imposed such labor on
himself: “that we might,” says he, “give a pattern to you to imitate us, that
if by chance you become forgetful of the teaching of our words which so
often passes through your ears, you may at least keep in your recollection
the example of my manner of life given to you by ocular demonstration.
There is here too no slight reproof of them, where he says that he has gone
through this labor and weariness by night and day, for no other reason but
to set an example, and that nevertheless they would not be instructed, for
whose sakes he, although not obliged to do it, yet imposed on himself such
toil. “And indeed,” he says “though we had the power, and opportunities
were open to us of using all your goods and substance, and I knew that I
had the permission of our Lord to use them: yet I did not use this power,
lest what was rightly and lawfully done on my part might set an example
of dangerous idleness to others. And therefore when preaching the gospel,
I preferred to be supported by my own hands and work, that I might open
up the way of perfection to you who wish to walk in the path of virtue,
and might set an example of good life by my work.”
CHAPTER 11
That he preached and taught men to work
not only by his example, but also by his words
BUT lest haply it might be thought that, while he worked in silence and
tried to teach them by example, he had not instructed them by precepts
and warnings, he proceeds to say: “For when we were with you, this we
declared to you, that if a man will not work neither should he eat.” Still
greater does he make their idleness appear, for, though they knew that he,
like a good master, worked with his hands for the sake of his teaching and
in order to instruct them, yet they were ashamed to imitate him; and he
emphasizes our diligence and care by saying that he did not only give them
this for an example when present, but that he also proclaimed it
continually in words; saying that if any one would not work, neither
should he eat.
CHAPTER 12
Of his saying: “If any will not work, neither shall he eat.”
AND now he no longer addresses to them the advice of a teacher or
physician, but proceeds with the severity of a judicial sentence, and,
resuming his apostolic authority, pronounces sentence on his despisers as
if from the judgment seat: with that power, I mean, which, when writing
with threats to the Corinthians, he declared was given him of the Lord,
when he charged those taken in sin, that they should make haste and
amend their lives before his coming: thus charging them, “I beseech you
that I may not be bold when I am present, against some, with that power
which is given to me over you.” And again: “For if I also should boast
somewhat of the power which the Lord has given me unto edification, and
not for your destruction, I shall not be ashamed.” With that power, I say,
he declares, “If a man will not work, neither let him eat.” Not punishing
them with a carnal sword, but with the power of the Holy Ghost
forbidding them the goods of this life, that if by chance, thinking but little
of the punishment of future death, they still should remain obstinate
through love of ease, they may at last, forced by the requirements of
nature and the fear of immediate death, be compelled to obey his salutary
charge.
CHAPTER 13
Of his saying: “We have heard that
some among you walk disorderly.”
THEN after all this rigor of gospel severity, he now lays bare the reason
why he put forward all these matters. “For we have heard that some
among you walk disorderly, working not at all, but curiously meddling.”
He is nowhere satisfied to speak of those who will not give themselves up
to work, as if they were victims of but a single malady. For in his first
Epistle he speaks of them as “disorderly,” and not walking according to
the traditions which they had received from him: and he also asserts that
they were restless, and ate their bread for nought. Again he says here, “We
have heard that there are some among you who walk disorderly.” And at
once he subjoins a second weakness, which is the root of this restlessness,
and says, “working not at all;” a third malady as well he adds, which
springs from this last like some shoot: “but curiously meddling.”
CHAPTER 14
How manual labor prevents many faults
AND so he loses no time in at once applying a suitable remedy to the
incentive to so many faults, and laying aside that apostolic power of his
which he had made use of a little before, he adopts once more the tender
character of a good father, or of a kind physician, and, as if they were his
children or his patients, applies by his healing counsel remedies to cure
them, saying: “Now we charge them that are such, and beseech them by
the Lord Jesus, that working with silence they would eat their own bread.”
The cause of all these ulcers, which spring from the root of idleness, he
heals like some well-skilled physician by a single salutary charge to work;
as he knows that all the other bad symptoms, which spring as it were from
the same clump, will at once disappear when the cause of the chief malady
has been removed.
But as St John Cassian explains, the solution to laziness is the habit of activity. Build a routine. Commit yourself to serving others. Put yourself under the pressure of deadlines and responsibilities.
If you do nothing then you feed the laziness.
Father Peter
they are gold.