Ok don't mind me if this gets confusing and idk if this is something everyone else thinks about too but here goes: ok so i was reading this book called Jonathon Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach and its basically about how we as individuals must go against the conformities of society if we want to be achieve greatness, and if we want to find the truth about ourselves we can't be confined to the rules of tradition. He says that we'll be misunderstood and people may refer to us as either a devil or a god but we'll never see what else there is to life if we conform. And if you think about it, that seemed to be the pattern of life for most great people whether its Jesus who was condemned for his beliefs or newton or martin luther king jr. Back then nobody knew their cause, but today we look at them with awe and we realize that they were right. I know that as christians we all must go against society sometimes even if we're persecuted for our beliefs but what about the church? Is it possible to do something thats against the church but to still have fire of the holy spirit burn within you? And don't say no to this question right away. Do we not have the right to question things as human beings? Its one thing to tell yourself that you believe because thats what you were told and because you know of nothing else, but its a whole different thing to believe and know why you believe on a whole different spiritual level. I want to have a deeper connection with God and sometimes i feel like church gets in the way. I still go, i still go along with tradition but thats because i don't want my parents to worry or anything. And yes of course i still feel really spiritual there and i feel very close to God. But there's a different kind of euphoria that i get when i read the bible and its just me and the word of God. I want to believe with all my heart but i feel like that won't happen by simply going to church and praying without feeling, a robot can do that. As a human being, i want to really truthfully believe in God without a doubt. Not just say that i do.