may God guide you and help you.
about Holy Communion, it is not God who prevents us from taking it, it is our enemy who whispers in our ear that we are not worthy.
of course we are not worthy, that is why our Lord Jesus had to die for us. we just have to repent of our sins, go to confession and believe that and then ask God for His mercy.
we take the Holy Body and the Precious Blood humbly and knowing that only through God's love we are saved, not through our own efforts.
may God show you His love and grace, and i pray u don't give up, but come close to God's love and mercy through the Holy Communion.