To give you a picture, though I hope you can make your own picture with your own beloved heart, I mean this: Give yourself completely to God. Do what no one has ever done. You want to leave this world and separate from it, do it spiritually. Do things like the following, and see the consolation it brings: Do not ever again open the television of the world, but only fill yourself with what is related in every shape and form to the Lord Jesus Christ, such as the movies of the eternal Stars, the great Saints. Do not go to a movie theater ever again, there where black and white has turned to, at best, grey my beloved sibling. Kill everything inside of you that separates you from God, and spend all the days and nights and years unloading from your heart the warm and sweet tears kept inside, which are so precious to the King... for only a human being created in the image of God can do that. Even angels do not. Fill your room with the heavenly pictures to your liking, and feast your eyes there as much as you want. Do not spend your time anymore in any kind of worldly talk, any kind of friendly gossip, any kind of vain chats that are only to kill time. When you are surrounded by people, secretly speak to your Lover who is waiting for you... who knows, maybe He is even waiting for you in a monastery, in a poor country to do something that is greater than yourself... but what is sure: He is waiting for you in the secret chamber of your heart. When you are driving in the streets, or moving about in a car; let the billboards and advertisements fill the ill minds and be for all the other people... not for you. And when you cannot endure noise, find a quiet place and stay there as long as you want. And when you are filled with peace, tune your ears to the heavenly sounds of your choice, but no other. Do this for everything. For the rest of your life. And you will see the consolation and change Christ will quickly bring into you.
I am seriously considering suicide. I have many internal issues that I can't discuss with anyone that I have been struggling with and I really can't handle it anymore. Please pray for me.