not at all sinful, brother, in fact everyone i met so far on the spiritual journey has pain on the way.
the pain is part of the growth. we learn from it the way to be gentle with people when they come to us for advice about their own pain.
i suggest that you use this experience to pray fervently for those who are completely outside the church, who have no knowledge of God or who are running away from Him. pray for them fervently and let your prayers help you to share what you have learnt with those who know nothing.
and pray for me to, a sinner.