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Do parents or the church have a right to say who you should or not marry?
  • If I have feelings for someone and parents try to be wiser than me and discourage me but then I persist in my feelings and they are forced to say just like they did for monasticism think about this after you finish university or whatever.
    Are my feelings wrong? they have not blessing my feelings but have convinced me I may be wrong. I may truly get my feelings hurt and other obstacles. But I am happy with my choices

    Father and Mother have not always been able to help me in my afflictions
    "When Father and Mother forsake me than the LORD will take care of me"

    I will not marry someone I do not trust or love or am willing to take the consequences. I will not marry someone which might be harmful to the world or church
    The problem is parents or church (I mean some people here even might have said something). I say church because I expect priests wanting to be my guide in everything. Thing is I do not trust priests which is a problem.
    Once I went to a coptic orthodox group on campus and there was a priest and he saw me look at people (I was not looking with lust) and he wanted to please the people there and acted like he was joking and he said do not marry from those people? that is when I was studying physiotherapy

    Anyway I thought I won't be happy until I follow my feelings and love the person I marry. There are many types of person I thought I want to marry. I won't say here so I don't embarass people here. But all those people I had compassion for

    I had written a letter to someone I wanted to marry who is on this forum but saved it in my email because I thought I am not ready to make commitment now and my mother wanted to act like I am not ready to make choices now and I should marry someone who loves me. But I am the one who decides that not my parents!

    I want to share the letter here but I feel it is too late

    because my parents confused me just like they confused me for monasticism I have become confused I even read in the bible that God condemned the sons of seth for marrying from the daughters of men and sinners. But God commanded Hosea to marry a prostitute. But he was guided by God and that was an exception. And I certainly will not marry someone who I do not trust. I don't feel God's approval for it. God commanded priests not to marry a widow, a non virgin, or a divorced woman

    do not make decisions because you want to judge me for being slow and do not put guilt on my shoulders

    Do not misunderstand me I did not write a marriage proposal but friendship and possibly dating

    edit: I know the church might have the right but what about 1 priest? whom you believe all priests are almost infallible. I understand now that perhaps priests would not often give bad advice because they also confess to another priest. But sometimes both are wrong and you would need to ask all the priests and what if they are all wrong but I highly doubt it but they may ignore the right one
  • It's too late now if I wasn't hoping for universal salvation then maybe I should
    I guess I must marry a Virgin now
    I feel wives use universal salvation against their husbands to feel like they don't need them
    Also I am afraid I won't be able to guide my demanding wife onto salvation. She may not be of the type that listens to me.
    God told Hosea because he was a prophet and he knows how to guide his wife
    God speaks to him
    It is not good to take people's sins lightly by marrying a non Virgin or one with many sins she maybe did not desire marriage I mean if I have to choose between 2 suffering persons a virgin and a non virgin I should choose a Virgin assuming Virgins are in want of good men to prosper Gods kingdom Jesus gave a parable on 10 virgins five wise and five foolish and a foolish virgin will not help you get to heaven
    So is it wrong to marry a non Virgin is it harmful to Gods kingdom ?
  • [quote author=mikeforjesus link=topic=14616.msg165955#msg165955 date=1379215937]
    If I have feelings for someone and parents try to be wiser than me and discourage me but then I persist in my feelings and they are forced to say just like they did for monasticism think about this after you finish university or whatever.
    Are my feelings wrong? they have not blessing my feelings but have convinced me I may be wrong. I may truly get my feelings hurt and other obstacles. But I am happy with my choices

    Father and Mother have not always been able to help me in my afflictions
    "When Father and Mother forsake me than the LORD will take care of me"

    I will not marry someone I do not trust or love or am willing to take the consequences. I will not marry someone which might be harmful to the world or church
    The problem is parents or church (I mean some people here even might have said something). I say church because I expect priests wanting to be my guide in everything. Thing is I do not trust priests which is a problem.
    Once I went to a coptic orthodox group on campus and there was a priest and he saw me look at people (I was not looking with lust) and he wanted to please the people there and acted like he was joking and he said do not marry from those people? that is when I was studying physiotherapy

    Anyway I thought I won't be happy until I follow my feelings and love the person I marry. There are many types of person I thought I want to marry. I won't say here so I don't embarass people here. But all those people I had compassion for

    I had written a letter to someone I wanted to marry who is on this forum but saved it in my email because I thought I am not ready to make commitment now and my mother wanted to act like I am not ready to make choices now and I should marry someone who loves me. But I am the one who decides that not my parents!

    I want to share the letter here but I feel it is too late

    because my parents confused me just like they confused me for monasticism I have become confused I even read in the bible that God condemned the sons of seth for marrying from the daughters of men and sinners. But God commanded Hosea to marry a prostitute. But he was guided by God and that was an exception. And I certainly will not marry someone who I do not trust. I don't feel God's approval for it. God commanded priests not to marry a widow, a non virgin, or a divorced woman

    do not make decisions because you want to judge me for being slow and do not put guilt on my shoulders

    Do not misunderstand me I did not write a marriage proposal but friendship and possibly dating

    edit: I know the church might have the right but what about 1 priest? whom you believe all priests are almost infallible. I understand now that perhaps priests would not often give bad advice because they also confess to another priest. But sometimes both are wrong and you would need to ask all the priests and what if they are all wrong but I highly doubt it but they may ignore the right one


    First off, how old are you, Mike? I'm guessing like early 20s because you mentioned finishing university but I don't want to assume since I never saw any posting with your real age. Anyway, have you instead talked about becoming engaged versus actual marriage? That might be a little less intense for them to hear.

    As for not being happy til you marry the one you love, I get that. However you must marry someone who loves you too or you're in for a very unhappy marriage. This is coming from someone who lived like that for almost 8 years. Now if you both love one another and know this then it is another story....

    About one priest, well just my 2 cents (and if this is wrong someone correct me) that he advises you, and his word is not exactly your law.

    Why do you say you must marry a virgin? Forgive me for not understanding, I'm doing exams in my online portal and replying too 8)

  • I will reply when I am not busy as I have an important exam tommorow which I am not prepared for but I am 27
  • I'm also 27 and in university. Sorry if I misjudged your age there! I feel that exam pain because mine are next week; good luck.
  • [quote author=mikeforjesus link=topic=14616.msg165958#msg165958 date=1379224849]
    It's too late now if I wasn't hoping for universal salvation then maybe I should
    I guess I must marry a Virgin now
    I feel wives use universal salvation against their husbands to feel like they don't need them
    Also I am afraid I won't be able to guide my demanding wife onto salvation. She may not be of the type that listens to me.
    God told Hosea because he was a prophet and he knows how to guide his wife
    God speaks to him
    It is not good to take people's sins lightly by marrying a non Virgin or one with many sins she maybe did not desire marriage I mean if I have to choose between 2 suffering persons a virgin and a non virgin I should choose a Virgin assuming Virgins are in want of good men to prosper Gods kingdom Jesus gave a parable on 10 virgins five wise and five foolish and a foolish virgin will not help you get to heaven
    So is it wrong to marry a non Virgin is it harmful to Gods kingdom ?


    I am so confused by your problem. Can you just tell us what the issue is in a few words?

    I've read your post so many times, but still have no idea what the issue is.

    What do you mean by "universal salvation" ?
  • I'm going to go ahead and skip what you said, and respond to your initial question... and the answer is, YES! the church and your family and even God has the right to tell you who to marry, but you do have full free choice on who to marry.
  • You sound quite disturbed and I would not advise you to be in a relationship until you resolve these issues.

    Marriage is not a transaction to guarantee you someone to accompany you. It is much more than that. And remember, there is no going back.

    You seem to be fixated on virginity which shows that you are not looking at the whole picture. Relationships are not only about sexual relations.

    Also, you make it sound like you want to marry someone whom you feel sorry for (you used the word compassion). You can't marry for charity. If you think you are not good enough, then you need to find out what your problems are and solve them, then you will be ready to meet people.

    You can't date someone with the intention to bring them to God. They should already be close to God and so should you, before you begin dating.
  • [quote author=mnc_hnn link=topic=14616.msg166158#msg166158 date=1380826911]
    You sound quite disturbed and I would not advise you to be in a relationship until you resolve these issues.
    lol
  • Sorry I am not trying to insult, I just wanted to say that if someone is not at peace with themselves, how are they ready to share their life with someone else
  • [quote author=mnc_hnn link=topic=14616.msg166355#msg166355 date=1382638103]
    Sorry I am not trying to insult, I just wanted to say that if someone is not at peace with themselves, how are they ready to share their life with someone else
    the mind if feeble my son. maybe someone is not at peace with themselves because they lack a lifelong partner/someone to support them/one of them xx chromosomes if u dig what im sayin'/someone that lacks that y chromosomes nah i aint playin'/unless its a female peep the rhyme im displayin'/she'll need y-playin money layin super sayin
  • Being in a relationship is not to satisfy a need to be with someone. You have to be able to give and sacrifice and compromise. And you can't do that if you are already troubled
  • [quote author=mnc_hnn link=topic=14616.msg166361#msg166361 date=1382719206]
    Being in a relationship is not to satisfy a need to be with someone. You have to be able to give and sacrifice and compromise. And you can't do that if you are already troubled


    Sirach 7
    [19] Do not deprive yourself of a wise and good wife,
    for her charm is worth more than gold.

    God said it is not good for man to be alone. I will give him a helper comparable to him.
    I want one who makes me happy. I am ready to sacrifice however weak it is.
    It is my parents acceptance of me which may be like what I maybe should believe in God's acceptance of me that is my strength. I don't need to do things and good works to gain acceptance and it should be the wifes acceptance of me also but because they accept me I can do good towards them.
    We are God's workmanship in Christ Jesus. God works without us if something is beyond us but easy things God can work through us. If the internet will not trouble me I can use it. If it will get me into car accidents I should not use it
    Jesus said it is better to be a eunuch then in a relationship where the wife is evil
    because one can not divorce her and St Paul said such would suffer in the flesh but I would spare you. Single leads to happiness

    Proverbs 21:19 (New King James Version)
    19 Better to dwell in the wilderness,
    Than with a contentious and angry woman.

    I use the internet maybe because I do not trust God. I don't mean others to envy my good works and everyone to seek rewards and to be above people.
    Jesus said my mother and brothers are those who do the will of God but his mother did it the best therefore she will be the queen of heaven. Everyone gets their own rewards. There is no more testing. "They shall be as a pillar in the house of God and go out no more"
    Though one may have been better than St Mary given more time there will be no more testing. And not everyone will be saved. Some will perish and cease to exist or not suffer much in hell or in a limbo state and the devils may be damned

    [ edited by admin ]
  • I know I must take into consideration the church and parent's advice.
    One should not marry for the sake of beauty alone as said in Genesis 6:2

    Genesis 6:2
    2 that the sons of God saw the daughters of men, that they were beautiful; and they took wives for themselves of all whom they chose.


    mnc_hnn I do not know what you are trying to say. Infact St Paul even advised to marry even just for the sake of not commiting sexual immorality. Not that I am struggling with that but I do sometimes lust.
    I get the feeling you just want to see me unhappy. I know now is not probably the time for marriage as I need to marry someone I fall in love with first
    It is very inappropriate to suggest you know I am not able to sacrifice and compromise.
    Most marriages are not perfect don't try to stop me from getting married because I am not perfect. You want to marry someone perfect. That does not coincide with the marriage vows. For better or worse. Marriage is between two for unconditional love
    I could say more but I am struggling to cope with expressing how I feel you were out of line
    You are trying to discourage me that no coptic girl will marry me unless (if there even is an unless) I do unmentioned things
    "putting burdens hard to bear but you will not move them with one of your fingers"
    maybe you won't want to marry someone like me because you think I am beyond redemption and you don't feel special with someone who has no future in the kingdom of God
    If you think I am a retard with no hope of improvement tell me so I know why coptic girls will reject me.  I mean if you are trying to tell me not to expect to get with many coptic girls because they are looking for someone like them, them having a high opinion of themselves with regards to their talents or beauty and specialness

    Leviticus 19:17-18
    New King James Version (NKJV)
    17 ‘You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor, and not bear sin because of him.
  • Sorry if I seemed or was abusive.


  • Can anyone explain why are they beautiful if not to marry them? if not the sons of God should marry them should the sons of the devil? or is it more accurately because they took many wives?
    and because beauty alone without good personality does not help one serve God? those girls did not even plan to serve God hence they and their husbands were condemned

  • Would mnc_hnn recommend to learn to dance before I get married?
    Also I hope you don't misinterpret my obsession with forums as being unsuitable for marriage
    I know how to ignore forums and focus on things but I do this in an attempt to address certain issues and please God
    Are you saying because I don't work alot I am not suitable for marriage? hence you would look highly towards dentist for their faithful work day in and day out. Would you marry only them because they look good before all people in the coptic community?

    Maybe I was wrong and there are consequences with what I said about a User here and there when I abused her for calling me a spammer when I gave university advice that if she is innocent nothing bad can happen to her even if I expose her before millions but or maybe I guess both our Futures might be in God's hands and we should not worry for God will provide for us.
    Sorry for causing divisions in the church among us

    "I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you
    to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called,
    with all lowliness and gentleness, with long-suffering,
    bearing with one another in love, endeavouring to keep 
    the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace"
  • To mnc_hnn I think I understand your post now and you are trying to help me 
    I need to do things within my talent and be successful and provide for my family

  • It is true if one wants to get married he needs to sacrifice.

    "If a man provide not for his own he is worse than an unbeliever"

    It is better if one can even provide for his grandchildren

    "a good man leaves an inheritance for children's children"

    the only purpose of a man is to make money to give anyone in need especially family trusting in God who richly gives us all things to enjoy. Otherwise he should be single  or a monk
    when a man is faithful in his job God may give him other opportunities and/or other job offers to make money as long as he is not playing around because he is humble and does his duty to the community lest he discourage hard work and positive progress of the public and hurt other christians who need to make a living also. So God will say why did you bury your talent? it brings a bad name to christianity if we are seen as lazy and useless


  • I don't think I have what it takes to live a happy worldly life (I want too many things) with or without marriage maybe I should be a monk



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