:( help

edited December 1969 in Faith Issues
hi everyone... i need ur help.. what do u do when ur thinkin about someone n u cant stop thinkin about them.. some one u like.. like usually u dont react this way n its ur first time to react so strongly about someone.. what do u do? u dont see them, u miss them and ur only way of talkin to them is like msn or something... wht do u do if this is something that is REALLY bothering u?? :'( :-\

God Bless :-*


  • Dear C.A.P
    i'm not sure how to start with you.about this person, did you meet him only online? and how long have you been talking for? and what made you think about him that way?
  • Hey WonderToato,
    no i didnt meet him online.. i met him at a church retreat.. i've known him for about 2 months.. da reason i feel this way about him is cuz da way he persented himself.. like he was very mature and is a church boy.. he would always give me advice that involved God... he is my age and im very suprized cuz he is very matture, not like most guys my age.. and also he is extreemly nice!!! i think he is different then the other guys i know... i NEVER react this way about any guy but i dunno y i did with him

    God Bless :-*
  • C.A.P., what your feeling right now is normal, don’t think that’s it bizarre that you never had these feelings before and now you do. But what I have to ask, and if you don’t mind me asking is, how old are you? I’m guessing your like 15…(you said most guys your age don’t act mature) well, assuming your this age, I wouldn’t be making a big deal about this…what could you possibly want from a relationship at this age? I mean, its not like you can date him or marry him, so really, what’s left? What are your intentions with this guy? I mean, its okay to admire someone’s personality from a distance, but really, there’s nothing you can do right now. Again assuming you’re about 15 yrs old, you’re probably not emotionally stable at this age to be thinking of a guy in that way. There’s really no sense in wasting your time thinking about this person at this point in your life b/c #1) this person may not even be thinking about you in the same way and you may destroy the friendship between the two of you b/c of something like this, and #2) you seem too young and you will likely meet many other ppl LATER in life… what makes you think that he’s “the one?”
    And even though you say you had a strong connection with this guy, and you really liked the way he presented himself, it’s still not a good reason for you to think constantly about him … that sounds a little obsessive, wouldn’t you agree? It’s highly possible that you’re infatuated with this guy. I mean, for you to think about him constantly, that’s not mentally, emotionally, nor spiritually healthy. If this guy is a true Christian friend as you make him seem, then you probably wouldn’t be thinking of him this way, rather you would be thinking of him as a mentor, a spiritual aid. But the way you’ve presented your feelings towards this guy shows that you’re more interested in what YOU need from him to satisfy your needs (feeling of love), rather than what he can provide for you as a friend (advice).
    And if you’re really attracted to his personality, then why would you miss him when you talk to him on msn, I mean, his personality isn’t gone. Specifically, you said, “I miss him” when I don’t see him. That narrows all his good qualities that you’ve admired before, and now, instead of admiring his personality, you’re beginning to be infatuated by his very being. What I mean to say is that you want to convince yourself that this person is spiritual and friendly just so that you can justify your feelings, but, it actually seems like you want a relationship with this guy, and not a close friendship. And this goes back to my first point…what’s the point? What are you expecting to happen with this guy at this moment of your life? Nothing! So why bother instilling these feelings in your mind from the first place?

    I hope I’ve given you some insight about this topic; I’m not so knowledgeable myself when it comes to this kind of stuff, so I hope I helped. Take care, GB++

    Oh and if you don’t mind me asking, what’s your username stand for?? Unless you’re using it to seal your identity, can you tell me, I’m a little curious!
  • Amen to that sista!
  • lol andrew! anyways youstina was right on with that! i mean of course you can admier their personality. but whats the point of carrying strange odd feelings for this person will you act on them? no! will it do you or him any good to act on those feelings? no! Strong feelings of admeration i understand, but if he was just a friend who leads you in the way of christ strong feelings of lust or need to see him wouldnt be there?? keep your relationship with this young man, pure, no need to mess it up with lust!. admier the fact that he is close to God, and that you can learn from him! and as yoshi said if you really do admire his personality then speaking to him on msn would be enough there is no need to see him in bodily form, because his personality isnt in his body!

  • hehe.. my name stands for Coptic And Proud :D
    i am 16 years old btw.. and im not thinking of dating him what so ever at this age! AND IM STICKING TO THAT!!! im not allowed to date right now, im allowed whe im 18 and i wouldnt do it behind my parents back.. i made a promise to myself that i will wait til then and stuff... i dont think he's 'the one' but da thing is, im very confused by these feelings for him.. i would never tell him that i have these feelings for him and i would never get into a relationship with him right now..
    i know what u guys mean by 'waiting' i used to like this guy and i liked him for 3 years and after those 3 years then i realized things about him... so yes for sure im gunna keep it to myself for a very long time but i just need some advice on how to get him off my mind... like thier is nothing what so ever going on between us but i just like him.. and i know its not love.. cuz im too young... i know all that stuff.. i just want ways to stop thinking about him... this feeling is really confusing me... i dunno what to do...
    ill tell u guys this.. if he ever wants to meet up, i wouldnt meet up with him alone, i wouldnt lie to my parents about who im meeting and i wouldnt do anything that they wouldnt approve of.. so dont worry, im not thinking of that stuff... to be honest with u.. sometimes when i want to do something like say for ex. clubbing, my parents wont let me so i would have to lie to them right? well i will think about it and then say no cuz i would remember him... he kinda stops me from doing those kinda things for some reason... like its not something that i would wanna tell him i did b4 so i just dont end up doing... we're not as close but we r getting der.. again, no matter what, i would never tell him how i feel about him... just tell me ways i can stop feeling this way and focus more on just a friendship.. i've done it b4 for a friend.. like she went out wit a guy i really liked (she didnt know at that time) so how can i do it for myself??
  • ok well i'm not sure how old u are but well i for one am going through "The age"(lol u are realllll lucky i dont feel shy talking about this) it prally just a crush or somfin if not..well b4 i tell u that does he know how u feel about him or are u just Friends?
  • Ya i no wat u mean... this happens to alot of people and happend acutally... is happinin ;) to me now... (if anyone here is looking at all the posts i have put up, pleez dont getthe impression that i am full of problems... because i really am but im not a bad person i promise ;D ;D) I just keep myself occupied, either with school work, tv (ya i no a waste to some), especially church, and personally, I dont no how many people agree with me but I think you should become close friends with this guys but DO NO UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES get into a relationship. um... did i leave anything out?
  • It's definitely normal but if your love for Christ increases, then you really won't spend your time thinking about anyone but Jesus. God bless.
  • Youstina I really dont think that age is the problem. I think that it is a certain time in someone's life where they are completely dependant on themselves, to begin dating. This normally, but not limited to, when people graduate from college. I am in college right now, and I really feel that this couldnt possibly be the right time for this. All the opportunities are just opening up. You must take advantage of these opportunities first not think about who your going to or not going to date. In this time, its requires full attention by the student. If the student does not give full attention they will not get a second chance. Everything has its time, there is no rush for these things.

    I hope this helps

    God bless,

    pray for me
  • andrew i think what youstina means is that you are too young at 16 there is a whole world out there! still university and so on and so many more people to meat so many new things to see why get yourself into a realtionship that wont go anyware in the future! thats all she is saying.
  • no he doesnt know, we're only friends... and im 16 btw.. and ya i understand what u guys r saying.. it's weird tho.. like i wanna get my mind off of him.. at least a bit.. like now i havent talked to him for 3 days and yes its helping ALOT but when i talk to him, i dont wanna feel crazy again... how should i set my mind when it comes to him?

    God Bless
  • Ok, i see what you're really saying C.A.P.....i understand that its hard to get him off your mind, so i would suggest that you pray about this. When i say pray, i mean, really praying from your heart and asking the Lord for strength. But you know yourself more than i do, so if you know that you’re too weak to control your emotions and cannot handle the pressure (cannot stop thinking about him no matter what) then my advice to you would be to limit the amount of time you spend talking to this person. The more you talk to him the more emotionally vulnerable your going to get and there will come a point where you cannot control your emotions b/c you’ll be so passionate about this person that you don’t want to let go. Its better to limit your time with him now before your feelings towards this person get more intense.

    Also, if you find that you’re incapable of doing this, then I would strongly suggest you speak to abouna about this, because after all, he’s far more experienced so he would know how to handle the situation and he'll direct you so that you can handle the situation in a Christian manner.

    If I still didn’t answer your question, id be glad to answer it again if you readdress ur question. What you’re going through, ive seen many ppl go through btw, and this is prob the best thing to do (avoiding the person for a while until your emotions settle). I hope I helped, take care GB++
  • hey c.a.p

    look i really know how u feel. i was in da same situation last yr. like exactly. met hime from church, he was sweet an helped me wif god an all dat stuf. an u want 2 know how u can get over it. wel da truth is from my experience is like u cant. its like dis thing that u feel which u cant control. like when i got over him. i woke up one morning an realised liek ok wait im so over him. how i had no idea. i think its just that i asked for gods guidance and he answered. it was his will. so jus pray an hel help
    wel hope i helped
    ur sister in christ
    plz pray 4 me
  • ya too bad it doesnt always end up like dat mazza.. like it takes a while for dat day to come when u realize ur over them.. but its very hard when their so great.. just curious, so u still take to dat guy? r u guys close?

    God Bless
  • guys u know i don't believe its really right to date at a young age such as 16 cuz as teenagers we still have premature minds and to be honest it gets to be really dangerous because its really hard at this age to know wut love truly is.

    but theres really nothing wrong wqith relations but keep it really as friends till u guys get older

    i hope i helped
  • hey c.a.p

    yea i stil talk 2 him. were realli good friends i know its hard 2 get over them. it took me 3 yrs. not jokin but it was so unusal like one day i just got over him, dont know how but yea. i never told ani1 an i jus kept it 2 myself an i stil talk 2 him an stuf so yea

    god be wif ya
    plz pray 4 me
  • hey the brain

    i know its really bad 2 date at this age. no one was sayin dey were gona. they were jus discussing the situation. thanx for ur concern.
  • k thanx guys.. i've been trying to do as u guys said.. some how putting everything together n i think i found a solution... i talk to him, but when i talk to him, i talk to him as if i would talk to my other friends, its helping.. im not talkin to him that much but like maybe every other day or something like dat.. maybe like 30 mi convo's or around that n its helping.. THANX GUYS!!!
    k now i have another question... k.. this is not for me tho... k..
    ~ my friend likes this gurl, they knew each other for a long time and he liked her for about 2 years i believe, she has a boyfriend n it doesnt seem like they will break up.. my friend n her were best friends but then da gurl told him recently that her noyfriend is her best friend n he is just like any other guy (my friend dat is) he's upset cuz she told him dat, he wants to be dat best friend or something more to her not just any other friend... it's really bothering him.. how should he deal with it? what should he do?? plz let me know so i can tell him cuz he's really down about it..

    God Bless :-*
  • Tell me somthing does he really think he canbe more with young lady? Does he really thing that its the right thing to want! and should he really be jelous of the boyfriend? which is just not appropriate at this age! i understand if your upset because one of your close friends keeps something from you, because he feels like you will overreact (cant say i blame him though i do get upset with him quite easy). but just because she said you werent her bestfriend! at least your friends would he rather have it that they werent friends at all?? thats what would happen if they dated! they would date brake up and then stop being friends! i really have nothing to say to him, its hrad to deal with feelings like that all i will say is that he needs to pray and talk to his FOC and you need to pary for him as well, and i will certainly keep u and him in ma prayers!

  • you know guys this boyfriend and girlgriend nonsense shouldn't even be allowed to begin with its just gonna bring brakeups. what i don't understand is why can't we all just be friends and forget about this thing that will proabally not happen in like 7 years i myself i hate it i've seen many of my friends stop talking because of it.
    What makes it worse is its not even are fault its how soceity influences our lives with this stupit emotional love
    guys take my word for it if u anybody and have anyfriends thaT DO THIS tell them the mistake that they are making abelive me its better than letting them going out and letting them thhan break up and ruining a friendship
    i'm sorry if i was harsh but its happened with my friends a lot and i myself wish i could have changed it but i can't so pleasae don't make the same mistake i made and take my expirence for it

    God bless
  • yes i dont like da whole gf bf thing either... i totally agree.. but he's upset cuz now she only looks at him as a normal friend like everyone else... he wants her to see him as her best friend not a good friend...

    God Bless
  • be honest....tell her how he feels is the best answer i can think of
  • he wants her to see him as her best friend not a good friend...

    ^This cannot be true friendship; he should cherish the friendship he already has... in the end, its having a friend that counts, not weather you were a GOOD or BEST friend; that is irrelevant. There's no GOOD OR BEST friend...this is something ridiculous our world wants us to believe. Having her as a friend is more than enough, get that point across to your friend.
    But, i do believe that b/c he’s obsessed that he wants to be closer to her, than in that case, that’s not wanting to be her BEST friend, rather, that’s wanting to be her mate, that’s wanting to fulfill HIS OWN desires. And seeing that she doesn’t feel the same way about him, then AS A FRIEND, he should respect that. Even though this gf/bf stuff is pathetic at this age, if he were really her GOOD friend as you mentioned, than he wouldn’t put her in this situation, he wouldn’t expect her to have feelings for him. Better yet, if he were her close friend, he wouldn’t have had these feelings in the first place, b/c what are the chances that she’s going to like him back… in the end, his friendship will get ruined and he’ll be devastated because it happened from something so meaningless (his infatuation with this girl).

    I hope i helped, take care, GB++
  • hey.. ok what if he tells her that he has feelings for her (he tells her he thinks he likes her) is that a good idea to tell her or should he just keep it to himself because that might ruin their good friendship, sometimes its better not to tell the truth i think? what do u think?

    God Bless :-*
  • I agree with u 100% that sometimes it's not the best thing to do, and believe me I saw it more than once happening, that people tell somone that they like and the other person doesn't have any feelings for them, and at the end they get hurt. It's actually confusing because if he tells her, and she has no feelings for him then he is going to get hurt. And if he doesn't tell her, he is still hurt. Well...still if it was me in this situtation, the best thing I would do is to be honest, but that's just me, so give him the options to c wut he think he should do.
    God Bless,
  • Thats good but he ment, what if he tells her he still has a thing for her and they end up not talking because she nos he likes her so is it good for him to tell her and take that risk or just keep it to himself?

    God Bless :-*
  • I found a wonderful article for this question. Some of you have read it before but i will post it anyway. It is called most wonderful love.

    Everyone wants to give himself completely to someone, to have a deep lasting relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively.

    But God, to a Christian says, "No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me alone; to have an intensely personal and unique relationship with Me. Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found will you be capable of a perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be completely united with one another until you are completely united with Me. Exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desire or longing. I want you to stop planning, stop wishing and allow Me to give you the most thrilling plan existing, one that you cannot imagine. I want you to have the best. Please allow Me to give it to you.

    You keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction, that I Am. Keep listening and learning the things I promise and mean. Be patient, that is all. Don’t be anxious and don’t worry. Don’t look around at all the other things others have gotten or that I have given them. Don’t look at the things you want. You just keep looking off and up to Me or you’ll miss what I want to show you. And then, when you are ready, I will surprise you with a love far more wonderful than you would dream of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready (I am working even at this moment to have both of you ready at the same time) until you both are satisfied with Me and the life I want you to have, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me ... a perfect love.

    And dear one, I want you to have this most wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and to enjoy perfection and love that only I offer. Know that I love you utterly. I am God Almighty. Believe it and be satisfied."

    God Bless,

    Pray for me
  • That's very nice article andrewg. I read it before and its really nice and there is another article called "what's love" by H. H. Pope Shenouda III and its very nice . :-*

    God bless
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