How do you get over a friend who died?

edited October 2004 in Faith Issues
hey guys, i just lost a dear friend of mine named Beshoy Gabrial. some know him, hes from Bayonne Church. i keep on thinking about him and sometimes i still feel like he's not gone, when i know he is. i know he is in heaven and all, but i cant help on missing him. he was in pain here on earth but now he isnt. i keep on asking God why he took him, but then feel bad for asking such a question. who am i to judge God.


  • Hey there,

    I'm very sorry about your loss. :'(

    Sadly there is no quick answer to these kinds of things, there are emotional and psychological factors and involved and the only real healer is time and patience, lots of prayer is required.

    I'll be praying for you, your friend and his family.

    God bless you,

  • ooo, srry but i think these kinds of things take a while, i heard that the best thing to do is to just to remember the good times u had 2gether, and try to keep yourself busy :-[
  • I wont sit here and make believe i kno wut i'm going to say, and i refuse to type to you as though i kno wut ur going through...i wont pretend to know why or how we need to get over these things, but i do have one thing to offer, and thats my condolences. I cant tell you I've been there but i can tell u that u r strong! Not because i'm trying to fill up space on this thing but because u really are. If i was in ur situation i wouldnt kno how to approach life, period! I've a had loss and I'm talking about a person who had a tremendous-amount-of-pain-on-earth, type of loss...and each day after his death i questioned why, until God slapped me in the face with something like why not? Not why shouldnt he die, but why should he not come and stay with Christ? I could never tell u not to miss him or question or even be angry at God because it isnt my place... but at one point or another, whether it be now or 10yrs from now, u will have to realize that his death was the only way to comfort all: comfort from u watching him suffer on earth and wanting to help him but u cant, for his family, for him, and most importantly for God. I kno he's not happy when we suffer and yes he could just make him get up and walk but if he did would the message be the same? U see its sooo easy to ask why God takes the things we love away, but u kno its even easier when u let His will be done. You cant reverse wut time has taken but u can ask for comfort from Jesus Christ because obviously i cant give it to u, ur mom cant give it to u, u cant buy it or exchange something for it in return... God knocks on our hearts every single second...sometimes we should take it upon ourselves and knock on his door a couple of times...May the Lord Bless u and guide u and keep u always in his perseverance, and i hope that u find comfort though him always.

    GOD BLESS ALL! :-*
  • i think i gave this speech b4, but thinking bout it in this way alwaz comforts me, so i hope this helps in sum small way:

    Abouna Mikhiel Ibrahim's son said on his death bed to console his wife and brother "how can we accept healing from GOd, and not accept the sickness"
    in the same way, how can we accept the good things in life and not the bad, the happiness and not the saddness, the life and not the death...
    "wat is life but a vapour that appears in the earth and then vanishes" (Abouna Mikhiel Ibrahim) our body is just a prison for our soul, we are the ones who are dead, we are dead on this earth, life, true life starts after death, in paradise... the dead are all lucky they are alive and we are the ones who are dead, if we live a Godly life close to God, death shouldnt be feared, but looked forward too, think about all the holy fathers and saints, who craved death, as they knew they were going be in the bossom of Christ.
    the ones who should fear death are the ones whom st Paul speaks of in the Book of Corinthians, the ones who shall not enter the kingdom fo GOd:
    "Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God"
    1 corinthians ch 6 v 9-10
    those my beloved are the ones who should fear death.

    As i said before, for me death has a new meaning, i can not cry for my family that pass away, i feel it is too selfish, we must be joyful and not mourn.
    The only time i do cry at funnerals of people i know, is if i have doubt that there with GOd.
    have faith and may God console u my friend.
  • thanx for all ur replies guys, i feel much better
  • hey....i completely relate to what your going throught...this past summer member of bergen and west side..also lost a young soul whos name was beshoy...he was suffering from leukemia....he had it was before but thanks to the glory of Christ it went away...but unfortunately it back and this time took him from us...i was so confused of why such a young man, he was in his mid twenties, could lose his life in this me he suffered...but i have always believed that God knows each of us personally and individually...He knows what we could handle....but i didnt care then...i honestly thought he would make it seeing how i love to believe that when churches get together to pray anything is possible...and that is possible....but it takes an even faithful person to open his mind and realize if we pray to save the person we are greedy....We dont think about what is best for the person or What God has planned for them...DAY in and day out I would pray that God would spare his life when i should have been praying for his salvation...and that God does what is best for him...BUT THE DEATH OF BESHOY HAS DONE SO MUCH FOR church got together to pray for him...even at the time were he was in most pain he found a way to bring people together... :)...and he was so close to God during the days he was suffering...when ever a priest or bishop would come he would ask if he may confess to them...or that he would like to take see someone go through all that pain and not once blame God, but instead try to get closer to him is very encouraging...and i also have a friend were her cousin passed away last year...even though thats a touchy issue and if you bring it up which i recently did...she'll brust into tears...since she misses him...but yet she acknowledges that he was the one that opened her eyes to God...she told me that once there was and incdent at school when some jerks pushed and he just got up and starting laughing telling them that was a good one....he lived in his own place a place which was obiviously with God...he helped guide people to God even though he was suffering....and sometimes people have to suffer to bring themselves closer to God or just to bring those around them to God....who could say no to God when he has asked you to go through this for him....wont God be there when you suffer and isnt this what we ask of him to let us suffer on dont have to get your head chopped off or burnt alive to show that you live and believe in could also show others that you still love God through the suffering you are going through...remember God will never abandon you....when in reality you are the one who abandons him many times....look at it this way GOD IS FAIR....for all the suffering you have gone through during this lifetime which compares nothing to heaven.....God has all eternity to make up to you!!!!!!!!i love that !!! :) :)and imagine all those who have suffered sitting at the right hand of God with the most pure mother, Virgin Mary, Saint George the Prince of Martyrs, Pope Kyrillos ;D, and so many other well pleasing saints of God...why be sad for thoses who have finally reached that...i am actually sad for us who might never even be able to enter that kingdom....i only pray that guide leads on the right path and that its not late for any of us....hell isnt a very pleasant place as mormons believe...i picture it as a place were every bad thing who have done or every horrible feeling who have gone through gets repeated and repeated and there is no were to go and hide.....thats not worth it!!!!!!!!
  • Personally, what I do is I keep that person alive in my life in spirit. I think to myself about what that person would do, and stuff like that. I also think about the good times I had with them, and all the joy they brought me while they were alive. It consoles me to know that they're in a better place.

    God be with us all
  • thats true but when i was talking to my friend....those memories made her cry even more and same with me cuz it reminds me how much u miss them....but im not trying to say stop thinking about them....u should never do that....but its ok to cry cuz u miss them its only human! :) :)
  • hey
    i knew bishoy too... n i guess every time i go to cry cause i miss him so much, i can't but think that he was in so much pain down here... and i don't mean physical pain... im sure after a couple of years of having the illness, he came to understand why God chose him to have it, and adapted to the pain... but his emotional pain
    we've already established that he was, by far, an angel, or even a saint... he was God-sent
    and personally thinking, God-sent people don't deserve to live
    they don't deserve to watch us all go through temptations and falling into sin as they try hard to work on their earthly missions so that they may attain the crown with their Father:
    "Blessed is the man who endures temptation; for when he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." James 1:12 ;)
    so how can we greive and think so selfishly over someone who was suffering emotionally and mentally on earth... and he has now been reunited with his good Father in heaven?

    i shoudnt be talking.. considering i still grieve over his death, but i also understand that i'm a very selfish being that just wants everything to herself, lol, but this time... it's God's turn to enjoy the company of His creation. Not mine.
  • im o so very sorry for all of your losses... but.. im not gonna sit here and try to tell you i know what ur going through..i dont.. ive never had to withstand the death of a best friend.. and ill tell you right now.. id never be able to go on with life if i ever ahd to go through not a very strogn person and i get EXTREMELY emotional.. i would be DEVESTATED if one of my best friends ever passed away... i know i know.. get over it and move on with life..but honestly..think aobutit for a second.. how many of us can acutally do that?... how many of us can jsut up and go and get on with life?... i know this post isnt helping anyone feel better..but everyone here has a tendency to talk about what we sHOULD or HAVE to do... but nobody takes the time to acknowlegde the reality in all these situations..
  • That's the hardest thing about it, the reality of it all. You don't want to believe that it's happening , but you have no choice.

  • yea...and the worst thing is when you push every1 away from you and turn cold....
  • but everything u guys r saying.. its all so much easier said than done.. sorry i know i havent really helped here but i hada bring this point up.. no1 wants to realzie reality and life as we know it so i thought id bring it up...
  • i think u do have a point youst, but look at it from the other side. First of all: u have God who can comfort u. Second: time really really flies these days, (let's face it, our lives will come to an end before we even notice it ::)) so, u'll join all the departed people soon enough. Third: from what i've seen around me, people who lost dear friends or relatives, they just try and continue with their lives, caus if u keep urself busy with things, u will be distracted from ur pain. I actually have no rite to speak here caus i have no experience with this whatsoever, but this is just my point of view. :)
  • the turth people handle death in different ways but u have to lean and let God's shoulder be the one that you cry on....i dont think there is another way....and it is hard....i cant imagine any of my family...god forbid...i really dont even want to say it...but God gives you want you could handle...he knows you best!

    May God provide your hearts with comfort.
  • I don't know if this is just me, but sometimes I can't cry over someone who just passed away. Sometimes it feels as if it was better for them, and I can't feel bitter about it. Also, there's something about me that always tells me to wear white at a funeral rather than black because it feels better. I know that this may be strange, but something tells me that it's better that way. :-\

  • Well you know that he's happy now. I was crying a lot too but then I realized that he doesn't want to stay here. He really doesn't. We should just miss all the great things he did for us and how he always put a smile on our faces..all the great things that we learned every day of kind and thoughtful ways..But never cry because he's gone..he isn't..
  • I love that. They're never truly gone.

  • for those that know me, i have always been against black in funerals. but then when he died, i couldn't, not for me, but the enivornment was too sad and i couldnt do it to the mom.
    yes hes not gone, he will always be in our hearts; we just lost a great person, whom heaven gained.
  • I don't see that as something wrong to the mother. In fact, you're showing you're happiness about the person going to heaven. But that's just me.

  • i think its amazing when people wear white in a funeral...cuzz that means ur celebrating their enterance into heaven!!
  • for those of u who knew bishoy
    think of it this way
    who's luckier? heaven or us?

    lol.... i know it's kinda mean, but hey... we all loved him... but seriously, i think we're luckier
    jk jk
    of course heaven is luckier but comeon now.... just to answer ur question, how to get over a friend that died? we dont.. and probably never will
    but life moves on
    doesnt it?
  • :o Thats the most perfectest way to put it...i dont think u can ever forget the person not because u dnt want to but because u just cant! I can never get a certain person who passed away from my head, every time i look at little boys and my cousins i just imagine what'd it had been like if he was here and i cant stop myself because i cant help BUT miss him, but u know what sum1 said something about reality....that is reality the fact that they're with God in peace and we're on earth in a whirlwind of troubles just makes me feel joy, death is not always the horrible "thing"we imagine it to be...death sometimes is the only way to comfort both u and the person who died... i'm not saying its sooooooooooo incredibly ez to move on with ur life because its been lyk 8/9 yrs and i dont think i've moved on that much but i'm moving along slowly, the pain will eventaully heal....look at us complaining when one person dies...can anyone imagine what it's like for people like Avva Karas who was dead to the WORLD like 50 or more years?! God give us all strength :)

    GOD BLESS ALL! :-*
  • i love how u put that SMS.. :) :)
  • i new bisho to and i understand ur pain but he's sittin with the angles and the dream that his mother had was a way to tell us all that he's ok and that he's happy and we should be happy too,i mean if u truly love him then don hurt him by cryin rejoice cuz now he's no longer in pain look at it this way u have a direct connection to the lord
  • Yea, I totally agree with that. And besides, I know this may sound mean or wrong, but for those that God may take away from us, he gives us someone as well. We may have lost a friend, but we may gain one from that person's funeral, or when we're consoling eachother. God never leaves his children in need.

  • yeah good point sleepy, just like how Herod and Pilate were reconciled at the death of Jesus :)

    Luke 23:12 - And the same day Pilate and Herod were made friends together: for before they were at enmity between themselves.

  • I never knew that. That's so cool. I actually believe it though because everytime something like that happens to me, I gain a new friend, and sometimes, God sends certain people to you for a reason.

  • At least now we got an intercessor who we were close with :) God bless.
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