Faith

I believe in God (or at least I'm trying to) and have been an Orthodox Christian since birth but now am confronted with secular and sceptic thoughts day and night throughout my prayer and Bible reading and even during church functions especially during confession. These were ideas that feelings of God, blessings, hope, faith, repentance (at least part of it) are all psychological, dissociating blessings in my life from God, inability to find any kind of interaction with Him, I can't feel God like other people do (I think this is pride) etc. 

The one which plagued me the most was that because through prayer, I felt no assurance or comfort that my prayer was heard and my faith was weaker than it was originally but I found comfort watching videos about faith and talking with friends about faith, this thought (i don't know what to call it) would constantly attack me and weaken my faith. (sorry for bad grammar)

What scares me the most is that I am starting to lose the same repulsiveness/regret for sins I commit anymore. 

From speaking to my spiritual father, many orthodox friends (some are priests) and consulting books and sermons by Coptic church fathers like HH Pope Shenouda iii I received a lot of advice and I also came to learn that this is a spiritual battle I must endure using spiritual weapons like the Jesus Prayer, reading the Bible, praying with psalms, etc. while keeping faith for an unspecified time. Even though I have been given many reasons to keep my faith, I feel a form of discomfort following me around all the time (sometimes stronger than others. 

I confess that after many tearful prayers without any kind of solace I am starting to lose hope and am looking for any kind of "miracle" (unable to find a more fitting term) that will restore and strengthen my faith. 

Adding to this problem, I have to keep my feelings suppressed so that I do not alert my family and continue in my university studies (which I can't find the motivation to do) especially as exams are approaching rather quickly. I have spent many nights wasting time doing anything (watching faith videos, eating, etc) and I haven't pushed myself to study for 2 weeks now. 

Please, Christian brothers and sisters whom I love very much, please pray very much for this underserving and doubtful sinner.

Comments

  • Your feelings are far more normal than you are assuming. Please, forgive my selfishness in using myself as an example, but a life-changing event occurred to me at church about four years ago.

    The event prompted me to become so involved in the church, I was ordained a Deacon (Reader) a little over a year later. I was not raised in the church, so that may play a part in my current vigor for the church. Although, I disagree with some things like anyone else.

    Even with such a profound thing happening to me, which if you knew me you would NEVER believe I would think something like that would occur, it took me almost three more years to come to terms with it and not fight back.

    Society can suppress beliefs rather easily, which creates doubts. I have always thought a person who has doubts has a chance at a stronger belief that someone who blindly believes because, "We have to because it's what we do..." which was how I grew up in regards to going to church.

    When you lift weights, you tear your muscles. When you begin to get in a routine, your body no longer responds to those same lifts. There is no more soreness, and your muscles have gotten used to moving and doing the same motions over and over.

    You first have to tear at your faith for it to grow, and that is exactly what is happening to you. Netflix, games on your phone, TV, social media, etc., can all be the cause of tearing away of your faith.

    The trick is to change up your routine and give your, "Spiritual" muscles a new workout plan.

  • I want to tell you I have been diagnosed with Anxiety recently. Could you please tell me why talking about it helps me more than praying, reading the Bible, confession, communion, etc.
  • edited November 29
    Also, could you give me a reason why I should have faith?

    thanks and please pray for me
  • 1 Thessalonians 5:23- 24 Now may the God of peace santify you completely; and may your whole spirit, soul and body be preserved blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it.

    I personally don't like the word should as it implies compulsion whereas God calls and it's comes to our ability to listen.
  • I pray you stay in faith dear brother Paul.
  • thank you please dont stop praying for me
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